Will you still love me even if I'm a man?

Chapter 18: The Joy and Panic on Christmas Night

Author: Angelina
Translator: Adrian Julian

It was soon going to be Christmas. This was Mai Ding's most favourite holiday. And even though it was not going to snow in this part of town, Mai Ding thought that it didn't really matter. The environment alone wasn't the only thing that contributed to the atmosphere. The words itself was able to bring about a sense of warmth.

Mai Ding's only regret was that An Ziyan was not going to be by his side this Christmas.

Liming was also nowhere in sight. In school, Mai Ding could see various couples preparing presents for each other. Mai Ding, having nothing much to do, decided to also follow suit and was shopping for a suitable present for An Ziyan, but the more he looked, the more undecided he became. Furthermore, he was extremely broke this month. His living expenses alone sapped most of his allowance. He had no other choice but to go to a shop that sold various knickknacks near the campus. After some browsing, he bought a starlamp for An Ziyan in the end.

There was a Christmas event that night and because he was feeling a little bored, Mai Ding decided to go take a look at what it had to offer. But the minute he was at the event, he kind of regretted attending it: everyone had partners or was with a group of friends. Everyone was happy and laughing but that made Mai Ding feel even lonelier.

Mai Ding thought of An Ziyan. He misses him dearly. He wished An Ziyan could just appear and be by his side. Such hopes continued to creep into his mind and it was soon overwhelming him.

After some time, he could not take it any longer. He took out his phone and called An Ziyan.

'AnZiyan, I am feeling so lonely.' he said when the call connected. 'How nice it would be if you were by my side.' Over on An Ziyan's side, it was a little noisy and Mai Ding regretted calling him. He felt he was disturbing AnZiyan. After all, this was the season when families got together. Was he going overboard here? Before An Ziyan could even reply, he hung up.

He wanted to be loved. He wanted a hug. There were just so many things that he wanted and this realization frightened him somewhat. He wanted An Ziyan and everything related to him. He realized how selfish he had become. He knew that in a relationship, the tighter you held onto a person, the easier it was for you to lose the one you love. He had already achieved more than he could ever hope for. Why was he feeling this way?

From where he stood, Mai Ding could see people having fun. He wasn't in the mood. In the end, he decided that it was best to just head back to the dorm and sleep. So slowly, he walked towards the campus and already the sky was getting dark. As he was walking in the direction of the dorm, he stuck his hands in his pocket and was listlessly kicking a stone around.

He seemed to have walked for quite a distance. When he reached the dorm, he looked up and he thought he saw someone on the fifth floor. The light was dim and he couldn't be sure. Could it be? Was it An Ziyan? A pang of longing hit him and he ran up the stairs but when he reached the fifth floor, there was no one in sight. He sighed.

He felt that heaven was again making fun of him. He was obviously missing An Ziyan so much to the point that he was beginning to hallucinate about him.

In a phlegmatic fashion, he took his keys out and was about to open the door to his room, but he couldn't resist just checking one more time if An Ziyan was around. He didn't know why he missed An Ziyan so much. Why couldn't An Ziyan just be by his side? He shook his head, knowing that it was useless and proceeded to enter his dorm room.

'Someone is looking for me, I see.' It was that voice that was so familiar to Mai Ding. Mai Ding turned and he saw An Ziyan leaning on the wall.

'Are you my imagination?' Mai Ding couldn't be sure, but standing before him was indeed his An Ziyan.