Chaos

Chapter 34: Final Goodbye- Nate

Chapter 34- Final Goodbye

Nate

Nicole hasn’t uttered a single word since she flipped out. She woke up kicking and screaming and it took Liam, Jesse and Gavin to hold her down. 

 I have reluctantly left her side often, preparing Matt and Sam for their funerals. Both were dead already, we just needed to burn them. To make it worse, Jesse was actually crying at Matt’s death. The entire first night he spent in the room with Nicole, bawling, until he finally admitted to have been in-love with Matt. 

“Nate, can I talk to you?” asks Jesse, making it the first time I had seen him today. 

His eyes were red and puffy, and his shirt was covered in tears.

“Sure,” I say, my voice becoming soft as I followed him back upstairs. 

He sat on the bed across from Nicole, and I sat beside him. 

“I’ve been keeping something from you,” said Jesse, looking down. I kind of figured out before what he was talking about. 

“You don’t have to say it,” I say, trying to get him to understand that I didn’t care either way. 

“No; I have to say it, admit it to myself,” Jesse says, and then wipes a stray tear from his cheek. 

I kept my silence, waiting until he was ready. I felt he needed this, as a relieving method. 

“I’m gay.”

I smiled. 

“I know, Jes, and it doesn’t matter to me. You’re still one of my best friends, nothing can change that,” I say, and the look Jesse gave me made me believe that he almost wept with glee. 

“So, you and Matt were like…?” I ask. Jesse gulps, and I correct myself. 

“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful,” I say quickly, wanting to avoid any awkwardness. 

“No, it’s alright. Matt and I were sort of together, I guess,” says Jesse. I nod, not knowing what to say. 

“Well, I’m sorry you lost him. I can’t say I know how it feels, but I know how I felt when I lost Nicole as a girlfriend and friend. That hurt a lot, so I can’t imagine how you feel,” I say sympathetically. 

“Thanks Nate,” says Jesse. 

“If you need to talk to me, don’t be afraid,” I say, putting my hand on his shoulder before exiting the room. I don’t know why, but I felt as if something was resolved that would change everything. I know how relieved Jesse must be to finally admit that to not only one of his friends, but himself. 

That night was the hardest. Nicole was tossing and turning all night, and I simply held her in my arms until she relaxed. She would scream in her sleep, calling for her family. It tore me apart that I couldn't help her.

The next day, I was sitting on the couch with Nicole, telling her a story about the time I broke my wrist when I was five. I then, once that story ended, decided to tell her about my first time preforming on stage with my band at the local pizza parlor.

“I was never more embarrassed in my whole life. First, about ten minutes into the performance, we were playing a song Toby wrote about his previous girlfriend. He had six different girlfriends in the past year. Anyway, I did this giant guitar solo, and just as I jumped to hit the final note, I tripped and fell over my guitar chord,” I say. Nicole continued to stare at the wall, as if I hadn’t been talking the entire time.

I finally gave up, standing up and making sure Jesse and Amanda were there before I stormed off into the kitchen. I couldn’t take it, I mean, I know I shouldn’t have stormed away from Nicole- I was just so frustrated that she wouldn’t talk to me.