The Goblin Adventures

Part 9

After he made them some crumpets and they ate them and drank their tea, Dread Beard exclaimed,

  “Most quinteemerable!”

  “What does that mean?”  asked Ugbash.

  “I don’t know, it sort of just came upon me, like the Author had had a dream with it in.”

  “What can it mean?” asked Idunno.

  “Shall we ask him?” Dread Beard turned his face towards the window, “what does it mean Author?”

  “Idunno.”

  “Yes Author?” inquired Idunno.

  “No, I meant I don’t know, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have been so slovenly with my speech. I was thinking that the beginning had something to do with the number five, quint, maybe, or a bit like quintessential.”

  “Fancy getting us to use a word even you don’t know what it is,” burbled Ugbash.

  “Well help me then, let’s decide what it means together,” said I.

  “We’ll say quint means five,” said Idunno, “and teem could be like rain teeming down.”

  “So what have we got so far?” asked the Author, “five times raining fast? What about the erable?”

  “That’s us lot innit? said Wobble. The others looked at him, “Well, we’re a rabble in’t we?”

  The others all picked up the cushions they were sitting on and threw them at Wobble, who began to wobble.

  “As a whole,” said Dread Beard, “I think it should mean something like a most enjoyable and convivial experience’. And by the way, unless you pick up all of these cushions now, I will put on my sword attachment and show you why they call me the terror of the seven coves.”

  The goblins fell over themselves picking up and dusting off the cushions.

  “Now you have tidied up for me why don’t you look at the other collections I have amassed over the years,” said Dread Beard, “boats in bottles, things I have hunted and scrimmage.”

  “Scrimmage?” said Wibble, “Ain’t that summin’ t’ do wiv rugby?”

  “Noooo, it’s carving on walrus tusk.” He grabbed a piece from a shelf, “This piece tells the story of me hunting my first squink.”

  “It looks like you caught it in a cave,” noted Idunno.

  “Arr, that be true,” said Dread Beard.

  “Yes it is, not that be true,” remarked Ugbash.

  “You have your idiosyncratic way of speaking so don’t criticize me for mine, especially as I have just given you tea and crumpets. And I’m sure that a similar joke was in Blackadder II somewhere.”

  “Was Blackadder a goblin?”

  “No, but he acted like one.”

  “Good feller then, you’ll have to lend me the DVD’s.”