The Goblin Adventures
“Nah mate,” said Ugbash.
“But why do goblins sound like Londoners? Do you think Tolkien thought of short grimy Londoners as goblins?”
“Maybe, woja wanna know that for?”
“I was thinking of writing a history of Cockney speaking peoples.”
“That’s a bit of a niche market innit?”
“Maybe, but I am sure it could hit a mass market.”
“I’ve ‘it a mass market before, the one in Gilkhag by Elkhag, me an’ me goblin chums. Right mess we made. They ‘ad to get the dwarf army to sort us out. I did get some nice things though, this nose ring, this slightly chipped meat cleaver, (it was made to look used for the fashionable goblin warrior look.)
“You said you were a goblin warrior, I’ve never seen you fight?”
“Well, we goblins do, we kinda lope around an’ do strange high pitched noises and kind a sidle up to our enemy in a big gang.”
“So, a bit like the goblins in Battle for Middle Earth II?”
“Never played that un, I prefer BFME I.”
“Which faction do you like playing?”
“‘Umans, they’re the strongest.”
“Who do you play against?”
“Pan Head, but ‘e’s a bit slow, and I always beat ‘im. ‘E always plays Isengard. Beats ‘im easily I does.”
“Isn’t that a bit unfair?”
“‘E’s fick.”
“That is a politically incorrect statement.”
“I don’t care, ‘e is.”
“You should say he’s uneducated.”
“Well ‘e is, that’s why ‘e’s fick.”
“Right, I think I’m going to stop this interview before you get me into trouble.”
Click.
“Right. Off mic now, how come that in the first book you spoke quite correctly but now you speak like a commoner?”
“It’s because the Dark Lord has us speak that way for the hotel guests. We stay in persona sometimes.”
“Oh right. Sorry, the mic was still on.”
Click.
Stephen Jennison-Smith © Copyright 2011
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The Goblin Adventures
FantasyWe meet Ugbash, Pan Head, Wibble, Wobble, Chop and Idunno from The Crying Pennant in a short serialised story where they go hunting for squink. Then we meet Bip, Bop, Battam, Ugz, Bugz and Tongs the Goblin Space Marines who along with Sergeant Griml...
