The Goblin Adventures

Part 12

  “We need a plan,” suggested Ugbash.

  “We need some ratatouille,” said Wobble.

  “Let’s just shoot it with the sniper and cover the hole up. We’re goblins, we’re supposed to be deceitful and dishonest,” proffered Wibble.

  “Being deceitful and dishonest is all very well until you get caught,” reminded Ugbash.

  “Well, are we going to sneak or what?” asked Chop.

  “I tell you what,” suggested Idunno, “why don’t we get two of us…”

  “Which two?” inquired Wobble.

  “It doesn’t matter. Get two of us…”

  “No really, which two, because I don’t want to be one of the two.”

  “We’ll do it by drawing lots,” said Ugbash. “Now carry on Idunno.”

  “Two of us can sneak to the other end of the cove and then scare the squink up towards the others. We shoot our arrows into the mass of them coming towards us.”

  “What happens if they don’t stop and start attacking us?” enquired Wobble.

  “I’m sure the four of us can kill a few running octopuses.”   

  “Octopi,” corrected Wibble.

  “No, octopuses,” re-corrected Wobble.

  “Well, actually it can be octopi, octopuses or octopodes if you look in the Cowford English Dictionary,” over-corrected Idunno.

  “Didn’t we show honour on the field of battle against the dwarf and elf army in the third goblin war?” prompted a roused Ugbash.

  “If you mean we didn’t run away then I suppose we did,” offered Chop.

  “But, as Dread Beard said, these squink can’urt you,” wittered Pan Head.

  “So can I,” threatened Ugbash, “with my meat cleaver. Now let’s do what Idunno suggested.” Ugbash picked six blades of grass, two short and four long. Pan Head and Idunno picked the short straws.

  “Yay, I got a short one,” said Pan Head.

  “That’s not good,” said Wobble, “that means you gotta sneak.”

  Pan Head gurned a little.

  “Right you two,” said Ugbash, “get sneaking and make sure when you get to the other end you make a loud enough noise.”

Idunno and Pan Head kept close to the cliff face and tried to hide among the sparse grass cover as they picked their way over the boulders and small dunes towards the sunbathing squink.

  “I wonder if they use a lotion of any kind?” wondered Pan Head.

  “Salt water I should think,” replied Idunno.

  “What factor is that?”

  Idunno just looked back at Pan Head as they managed to make their way behind the squink. “We’ll go on 3,” he suggested.

  “What, 1,2 go on 3 or 1, 2 ,3, go!”

  “1, 2, 3, go.”

  Pan Head stood up and Idunno pulled him down quickly. “What are you doing?” asked Idunno.

  “You said 1, 2, 3, go!”

  “I said we’ll go on 1, 2, 3, go!”

  “Oh, shall we try it again?”

  “Ok, 1, 2, 3, go!” they both stood up and started to clap and shout. The startled squink started to run to the other end of the cove; some ran back into the sea.

  Pan Head sand, I mean sang, “Running squink, you stink, I’ll wink, you ink,” as he inked, I mean winked.

  “I don’t think…”

  “I know you don’t.”

  “No, I don’t think squink ink themselves I think squid and octopi do.”

  “I don’t think pink squink ink, wink, sink or eat zinc,” rhymed Pan Head as they looked towards the other end of the beach.