The Goblin Adventures

Space Marines 9

Before Bip had had had had had, (bash - mental aberration), had been able to take off, he saw a ribbon in the sky.

  “What a dress ribbon? What significance does such a small thing have on this story?” elucidated Bip.

  “No silly,” chided the Author, “a cosmic ribbon, like the one they had in Star Trek Generations.”

  “Does that mean we will meet Kirk and Guinan? Or even Picard?”

  “How much money do you think I have to be able to pay out royalties like that!” baulked the Author. “No just a normally abnormal ribbon matrix that will not take you into the Nexus but somewhere else.”

  “Aww, tell us where Mr. Author Sir? Please, please, please, please, please?”

  The Author did not tell them they, and their ship, just vanished when it was hit by the ribbon.

They appeared in the fantasy dimension on the road to Scumbleborough where the ice cream vendor was, just after Idunno and Chop had left.

  “Nice vehicle that,” said the ice cream vendor, “not a wreck like the last customer’s I served.”

  “Thanks,” said Bip, “by the way where are we?”

  “On the road to Scumbleborough.”

  “No. I mean in which dimension are we?”

  “Fantasy?”

  “It doesn’t look much like the fantasy dimension to me,” thought Bip, “I can’t see any elves or dwarves.”

  “Can we get an ice cream Bip?” asked bop, “all those electric shocks have made me quite hungry.”

  “How are we going to pay for it?” asked Bip.

  “Give him some credits.”

  “Do you take credits mate?” Bip enquired of the ice cream vendor.

  “No, only gold coloured coins,” replied the vendor.

  “Will you trade something?”

  “What like?”

  “A smoke grenade?”

  “What would I use that for?”

  “Smoking out customers from enclosed spaces like public houses and dens of iniquity.”

  “Got anything else?”

  “Emergency rations?”

  “I have enough of my wife’s rations thank you very much.”

  “What about some dog tags from the war dimension.”

  “I am a Second World War aficionado. Let’s take a look.”

  Bip felt inside his battle armour and retrieved the dog tags. He handed them to the ice cream vendor who scrutinised them carefully. “Ok then,” said the vendor, “What do you want?”

   “Two Dream Bars.”

  “That’s funny; you’re the second goblin today to ask me for some of those. Sorry though, they only make them in the science fiction dimension.”

  “Well that’s where we come from.”

  “You’ll have to choose something else.”

  “Ok,” said Bip, “two 99’s with all the trimmings.”

  “What monkey blood and nuts?”

  “No, chocolate sauce and nuts, and sprinklies if you have them.”

  The vendor scooped two ice creams, put two flakes in the top, sprinkled sprinklies and nuts over them then covered them in chocolate sauce. He then handed one to Bip and one to Bop. “Thank you,” he said as he picked up the dog tags and hung them on a peg in his van near his medals, badges and other small WWII items collection.

  Just then a glowing portal opened and two interdimensional police people turned up.

  “You’re nicked,” said Lebil.