Black Coat

Chapter 3

The walk back to the estate felt like miles, silent and heavy. After we gathered ourselves we had listened for any sign of my father, but when the dust cleared there was nothing. I strained my nose for his scent, the beating of his heart his scent as well as his heart could not be felt anymore.
As I closed the large main door the echo  rang through the house but it fell upon my ears as silence. I couldn't rip my eyes away from my grip on the handle, I couldn't turn to face ahead.
Suddenly I am hugged from behind. "Shh...Baek" Xiumin tried to hush me but I continued to cry as I gripped the door knob harder.
"B-Boys?" I felt him let go. I knew that was my mothers voice but I just could not bare to look at her. The quiet was deafening as we stood in front of her, I heard her gasp in a sense of understanding. She couldn't feel him anymore either. As if a candle in our souls had been blown out.
"Y-your father?" Her voice cracked and I glanced enough to see Xiumin nod in response.
Kyungsoo was still holding tightly onto Luhan and my mother held her arms out to us. Her knees slowly hitting the floor as tears streamed from her dark eyes. We all stood motionless for a moment until Kyungsoo quickly let go of Luhan and ran into her arms. It was like I wasn't in control of my feet and I found my self also a part of the painful group hug taking place in the middle of the room. I wrapped my arms around them and the only thing that could be heard was the unsteady breathing of my mother as she cried quietly.

Days later we held a funeral for my father.
My brothers and I could only bit back our sobs as we watched our mother struggle to catch breath halfway through his eulogy. She covered her face as she stood at the podium. Unable to speak because her sobs wouldn't let her.
Xiumin helped her to her seat next to him, holding her hand tight. I didn't look up once throughout the ceremony.
I couldn't do it.
I felt disgusted with my self. It was my fault.
Everyone tells me that is shouldn't blame my self but the look of pity that washes over everyone's faces when I walk into a room is enough for me... they must hate me.

It had been a week since the flowers were placed atop my fathers grave and I had hardly had the energy to leave my room. Every day I went to dinner but that's it. When I took my seat there isn't just one person missing from the table. Mom hasn't came out at all.
As I walked back to my room I see her plate has been set outside of her door next to my room.
At night I could hear her crying through the walls as I don't sleep because everytime I close my eyes I see father. Then I see him.
I've been having nightmares every night being waken up only by one of my brothers telling me I was screaming.
It feels like part if my soul has been broken.
This depression is slowly driving me mad.
I finally decided to return to class tonight.
Night class starts at 7 and ends at 12
As I walked down the stairs my brothers looked very surprised to see me.
Xiumin drove us to school like usual it was very quiet and I just watched the raindrops land on the window.
"We're here" Xiumin glances at me in the rear view. We enter the large building and walk down the wide corridor to our class room.
In the room everyone looks at me. I avert my eyes and take my seat next to Taeyeon.
She is a witch. And I don't mean she not friendly. She is in a coven and those girls are also in the class. She is obviously avoiding to look at me, sitting very still, almost afraid to breath too loud.
"H-how have you been?" she doesn't turn to me when she asks. I see her fiddling with her pencil in the corner of my eye.

Well I don't know my dad is dead, I met crotch grabbing vampire and my mom hasn't come out of her room in over a week.

"I'm Fine" I whisper. My voice is softer than I thought and my throat is dry. I coughed and she turned to me, she looks concerned. My eyes burn with impending tears and I get up to get water at a fountain.

Class dragged on for two ours before we got a break. I barely heard anything that the teacher said the whole time. I've been drawing in my note book. Wanting so badly to break my pencil in half.
During the break I found my self walking but I didn't know where I was going. Absent in my actions, unconscious in my thoughts. I ended up at the door to the library. Outside the door hangs a painting of my parents.
"D-don't cry" I flinched and whipped my head around to see Taeyeon watching me.
Am I crying?
I turn away from her and wipe my face with the sleeve of my blazer.
"I'm Sorry" she said.
"Thanks." This is one of the first times all year she has approached me.
Why is she here?
"Your father looked kind"she smiled as he looked at the painting. "He was" I smiled weakly.