The Sweet Desire

Chapter 39 (Ethan's POV)

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 ASHTON KUTCHER as Ethan

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Chapter 39 (Ethan's POV)

  

Do you have any idea how painful it is seeing the one you love loving someone else?

Do you know the feeling?

 It hurts like hell.

  

It's like you're dying a thousand times over and over again. Shit. Oh God please, why don't you just take me now? Just like what I've asked you five years ago? Why did you let me live again only to suffer like this? I already pay for the price right? Ain't that good enough yet?

  

Napayuko ako at mapait na ngumiti. Ni isa, wala akong pinagsisihan sa mga naging desisyon ko sa buhay ko, not until I lost Sarah. Tama lang siguro sa akin na maranasan ko ang lahat ng ito. Kasalanan ko naman ang lahat kung bakit kami humantong sa ganito eh. I deserve this.

Mula sa pagkakayuko ay iniangat ko ang mukha ko. Parang wala ako sa sariling pinagmasdan muli ang isang napaka-taas na gate. Halos magdadalawang –oras na rin akong naka-upo dito sa loob ng kotse ko, hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang sinadya ko rito.

Siguro iisipin ng ibang makakakita sa akin eh nababaliw na ako? Sana nga ganoon na lang ang mangyari. That way, I will not feel the pain I am feeling right now.

Sighing, I stared out the window of the car hoping to see Sarah. I know it's kind of creepy but I don't care. I want to see her even from a distance.

  

How pathetic right?

  

Mabilis akong napatuwid sa pagkaka-upo ng mahagip ng mga mata ko si Sarah na naglalakad patungo sa direksiyon ng gate. Instantly, my heart got so giddy and excited. She's smiling from ear to ear. She's so beautiful, much more beautiful than before.

  

But the excitement immediately faded as I saw the man walking next to her. Pinagmasdan ko ang kabuuan ng lalake. Hindi ako maaaring magkamali, siya rin yung lalakeng kasama ni Sarah sa isang event isang buwan na ang nakakalipas. Magkawak-kamay silang naglalakad. Kitang-kita ang saya sa mga mukha nila. Hindi katulad ko, miserableng-miserable.

  

Alam kong wala na akong karapatang maramdaman ito. Pero bakit hindi ko maiwasang hindi makaramdam ng matinding selos? 

I was the one holding Sarah's hand before but I blew everything away. I was the one kissing her. I was her man.

  

Yeah Ethan. As what you've said. "Was"

 I sighed deeply. Oh God, how I missed her. I miss the warmth of her arms wrapped around me and the sweetness of her kiss. I miss all the happiness that we shared together. I miss her giggles and laughter.