Red Lilac

Chapter 45

Alyana

I pulled my phone which was tucked in my dress. I don't have my purse with me, so I had no choice but to hid it there. I need this phone badly tonight.

There's a text from Rose.

*We'll be there in five more minutes.*

As I check the time I realized that it was sent three minutes ago. I immediately walk outside the hotel and go straight to our meeting place.

Just in time a black SUV stops in front of me. The door slides open then Rose steps out.

Her face is worried and happy at the same time. I smile and hug her briefly.

"Ten minutes, that's all we've got. Or Aiden will go hunting if I get lost in his eyes for too long." I said hurriedly.

"I'll be just a few meters away. He's been waiting for this moment for so long. He didn't even had much sleep last night."
Her eyes scan the place twice before she opens the sliding door of the SUV.
"You can get out now. Remember all my reminders Liam and we'll be all fine tonight."

I can't hear any response from the car. Rose steps back inside and Liam went out. He looks better than the last time I saw him. His jaw and cheeks are shaved. His hair is neatly cut and his clothes are crisp and clean. But what really changed in his appearance is his eyes. They may not be shinning but they are now focused.. Focused on my face.

He smiled shyly at me and I smile softly back. I don't know where or how to start a conversation so I ask for us to sit on the bench nearest to us.

He look at me and hold my gaze for so long I forget how to blink. But this look doesn't scare the hell out of me like the last time. I know he's trying to decipher my look. Trying to get a glimpse of reality behind my eyes. And then, he looks away.

Ten minutes.. I only have ten minutes I keep on reminding myself.

Liam waste no time and start to speak, though he's looking ahead of us.

"You seem happy, in fact, I'd never seen you this happy, Alyana."

"I am really happy, Liam. Seeing you better than the last time makes me totally happy." I look at him one more time and he looks back.

"I have a lot to say, but I can't remember any of those now.." he exhales deeply. "But first I want to say I am sorry.. Sorry for everything I've done to you. I didn't realize I was ruining your life while I was trying to save mine."

"Sometimes, we did so many things we didn't know were wrong. I had forgiven you the moment I realize I was pregnant." I exhale and look up at the stars. "Though, I almost this little one." I softly patt my belly. He clenches his fist tightly as if he's helping himself not to touch me.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs regretfully. "I really am sorry, Alyana."

I tug his hand and hold it for a second and squeeze it lightly.

"Like I said, we all did things we didn't know were wrong. You didn't know it, Liam. You didn't intend it in the first place."

He smiles as his eyes became misty.

"I know what I was doing, I know it's wrong. But I can't control it. I was driven by something I can't explain. I tried to fight it. I tried everything I can to stay in the light, but the dark keeps pulling me in. Until I gave in. The dark seemed to be a good place to hide... From reality, from pain and from all my frustrations. It seemed to be a good place to stay every once in a while. I let darkness eat me. Take me and kill my hopes. I let it because I'm weak. And I'm sorry for being weak. I hope you really do understand. I tried to be as strong as a man can be.." He wipes his tears and flip his hand then hold mine tightly.

He eyes are full of regret. And at this moment I really do understand where he's coming from. I want to wipe his pain and regret like he did to his tears. I hold his face in both of my hands and look at him.

"I will always understand you, Liam. No matter what it is. I just wish to told me, you know you can share everything with me. If I can't help you to ease the pain then maybe staying here for you can do a little change." my eyes start to water and I have to blink several times to continue.

"You always have this special place in my heart, Liam, though that's all I can offer. We both know where my whole heart belongs to."

He nods and try once again to blink his tears back. His green eyes somehow smile a little. As if the weights it has inside has lifted a bit.

"I am happy for you, Alyana. And just if you don't know, you always have my heart from the first day I met you until the day you get married. When that thing happens, maybe I can finally move on.. May be I can find someone else just like how you find yours."

I shake my head and let all the tears run down my cheeks. I kiss his forehead and then drop my hands on my lap. I know.. I know I caused him too much pain.. I know, I am partly to blame.. I know I am a part of.the reason why he let darkness eat him fully.. Because of that my tear flow like waterfalls on my cheeks as I try to fight my sobs that are trying to escape my throat.

"You always have a piece of me with you. And even I get married, I will stay here for you."

He nods in understanding.

"How are you going along with the theraphy?" I ask because I really want to know.

He holds one of my hand and put it on his lap. It takes a moment for me to realize that this is the most intimate conversation we ever had.

"I think I'm getting better. Rose helped me everytime. She never left my side for even once. After this, I will head to San Francisco. Apt huh?" he smiles to himself. "I guess I can never really get away from you. Everything reminds me of you."

I laugh and shake my head.

"Why not go to a place which name wasn't related to mine?"

"I was just kidding, Alyana. I will try there. I will try to live again.." he smiles genuinely.

"Call me everytime you got the chance, will you?"

"Of course. Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" I knot my eyebrows and wipe my tears dry and stare at him, completely happy on what my eyes are seeing.

"Can I feel your belly? Just five to 10 seconds, please?"

I only have ten minutes.. Ten short minutes..

"Er.. Okay." I said even though I know where taking too much time.. More time than ten minutes.. And Aiden might be looking for me at this moment.

He hesitantly lifts his hand and gently place it over my belly. He closes his eyes for a brief while and laughs for about three more seconds..

Ten minutes..

"Wow, you little one is growing really fast.. I want to meet you soon, and I hope by that time, you have already forgiven me by threathening your life when you were here.."

He stops for a while and stares at me then back to my belly where his hand is resting gently.

"I am sorry, too, little one. I am sorry."

Ten minutes..

I listen.. I listen with all my heart. I am sorry Liam. I can't love you the way you love me.. That's the irony of life..

"I'd better go.. I hope to see the three of you in the future, Alyana." he stands and I follow. And just like in any other movie, I saw movements not so far away and a very angry Aiden is looking at us. Fist clenched, jaw tense.. And I swear I almost hear his teeth crushing..

I'm in no good..

I know my ten minutes is long over..

"What the fuck is this Rose!" Aiden said. I go cover Liam behind me but he shakes his head.

Rose comes running..

"Aiden, let's go back inside." I rush to his side..