Stand By You (Troyler AU)

It's Okay

A/N: I just wanted to add an additional *trigger warning* on his chapter, even though the story as a whole has one. This chapter talks about self harm and suicide. Please stay safe and don't read this chapter if this kind of material will effect you. I love you all so much even if we don't talk often, stay safe little love bugs <3

*week time skip*

Troye looked over the city, remembering the last time he and Tyler were here. They had a nice day and it was the very beginning of their relationship. Now they sat here on their three month anniversary, eating a picnic looking over their small suburbia.

"There is so much history in these streets" Tyler said suddenly breaking the silence and looking at Troye with a smile as Troye bit into one on Jackie's famous brownies "And your moms amazing food" Troye giggled

"Yes that too" Tyler smiled "I'm glad you randomly picked boring old Michigan when you came here"

"Me too" Troye said and he paused for what seemed like forever contemplating his next few words "C-can I tell you something?"

"Of course" Tyler said turning his head to lay his cheek on the blanket they were sharing, he looked at Troye's profile waiting for him to speak

Troye sighed "Its not happy"

"Thats okay Troyeboy, all of your feelings are valid. Happy or sad, anything or nothing in between... its all valid and I always want you to tell me" Tyler said

"okay" Troye said, but he was still battling himself. He wanted to tell Tyler, he did, but he just came to terms with his choices and motives himself never once saying them out loud. Was he really ready to talk about this, was he ready to speak the truth?

"I did choose Michigan for a reason. It was because out of all the places in America this was the place that I had never heard of. There were a few others like Nebraska and Wyoming, but even those places I recognized the names of. But I had never heard of Michigan before so when the airport attendant listed it, well, it was perfect" Troye said looking up now at the sky as the sun moved under the clouds

"Why was it so perfect, nothing ever happens here" Tyler said

"Exactly." Troye said "No one would look for me here, no one would notice my presence" Troye paused again "No one would notice once I disappeared" He took a deep breath as Tyler rolled onto his side and looked at Troye's profile once again as Troye watched the clouds move across the sky

"That's why I picked this state, because the plan was to kill my self. Plan and simple....and I know its horrible to be blunt like this but its true. I came here to die because not a single soul would notice....Once I got here things weren't so bad, I didn't feel angry or sad anymore...I just felt numb. Almost a year prior to me moving here I cut for the first time, it is a horrible habit and one that is hard to reverse but I didn't it anyway. Because it caused some kind of emotion"

"I stopped six months ago, when you comforted me in the bathroom, I haven't cut since then. Even on the worse days. I called you or texted you and, at least for a while, the numbness or pain subsided and was replaced with butterflies." Troye finished

Tyler blushed, he did all that? Tyler made him stop? But how, he didn't do anything. If anyone was helping it was Troye helping Tyler through his anorexia.

"Seven months ago I never thought I would be alive never mind in love" Troye said "And needing you and relying on you, not going to lie, scares the shit out of me. because if you leave or if something happens to you...I don't know what I am going to do Tilly" Troye turned onto is side looking at Tyler who has tears forming in his eyes

"I love you Troye" Tyler said, because he really couldn't think of anything else to say in this moment. He was overwhelmed and emotional at Troye's words.

"I love you more" Troye said with a smile pushing the unfilled tears away "Thank you for everything Ty" he paused... "Do you um... do you want to ask me anything, I know that was like a lot. I just like word vomited all over our happy day" Troye said

"H-have you thought about doing it again?" Tyler asked not making eye contact and a little bit of fear in his gut. What if Troye said yes? Should he tell his mom?

"um...yeah." Troye sighed "a hand full of times. I never did anything though. I um-" Troye rolled down the sleeve of his jumper t show Tyler "I keep this rubber band on my wrist so if things get really bad and I really feel like I have to do it, I just pull on the band and that usually does the trick." Troye finished

"I'm sorry that you feel that way sometimes" Tyler said wiggling close to him

Troye smiled and kissed Tyler's forehead "It's okay" he whispered

"w-why do you always say that it's okay even if its not?" Tyler asked and Troye looked down at where Tyler was laying on his chest and raised he eyebrow

"The same reason you do it" Troye said "The truth hurts" 

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A/N:

Listen idk what that was, yikes I'm sorry. Also I am suburbia trash so not sorry about that part. If anyone skipped Troye was just telling Tyler about coming to Michigan and his issues with self harm...telling Tyler that he's 5 months clean ever since they started talking. 

I am avoiding a very big project by writing this story so, yeah what up? 

Anyway, I should go do that project now...idk when the next update will be depends on my levels of procrastination. 

Good luck with your life! 

Katie :)