Stand By You (Troyler AU)

The Voice

*trigger warning* 

Tyler stormed into his bedroom slamming his plastic crown down on the desk, this halloween was a disaster. All of a sudden he felt like his relationship was falling apart. Troye was shutting him out and he was acting so cold...he didn't even know what to do.

Now Troye was clearly at his apartment avoiding the issue, yet again. Maybe he should just give Troye his space, they could work it out tomorrow. He didn't feel like fighting with Troye, he didn't feel like starting another argument over the same stupid stuff they alway fight over.

So thats what he decided, he was going to let Troye pout by himself and he was going to go to bed early. Screw Troye, if he wanted to avoid Tyler then he wasn't going to stop him.

Tyler didn't even bother to take off most his halloween costume. His hair still styled into a quiff and his eyes still had a bit of his mom's eye liner on it, not to mention the light blue color painted on his nails. He did it because Troye thought it would be cute, he would truly do anything to make that boy happy.

He thought with his whole heart that he and Troye were getting better, that they had built a strong bond and they were going to be happy. Maybe Troye didn't feel the same way...at least not anymore. It didn't even seem like Troye was trying these last few weeks. Tyler felt like he was keeping their entire relationship afloat and all he really wanted was for Troye to talk to him.

It was the thing that they fought about most, the thing that was brought up most in therapy and the one thing that they couldn't seem to do, talk to each other. They sucked at communication, they always had and they still did to this day, almost a year into their relationship later.

Somehow, a few moments later Tyler managed to fall asleep. It was no where near peaceful and his mind was spinning with dreams and thoughts, but his eyes were closed and he was sleeping. He wished Troye was here, but he also acknowledged the fact that they needed space.

——

Troye stumbled over the empty beer bottle that he discarded on the floor a couple bottles ago. His down stairs neighbor was more than happy to give Troye a six pack when Troye knock on his door at 12 in the morning. The guy didn't ask away questions, accepting Troye's money and handing the underaged teen the six pack and 'one more for good luck' Troye thanked him and returned to his home.

So that's what he was doing now, three and a half beers in and not feeling any pain. Well, that wasn't true...he was feeling a lot of pain, just not the kind he could feel physically. His mind was where the pain was stored but the beer was numbing him from the inside out. He couldn't help but think about the irony of the situation, Troye drowning his sorrows in alcohol much like Tyler did a few months ago. Troye told Tyler about how bad of a decision that was, look at him now.

He was such a mess, he didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to sleep but in his dreams he was met with the faces of is family and he really wanted to home, well not his home. He wanted to go to Tyler's but he felt like he messed everything up. Now he couldn't even drive if he wanted to. He just felt numb all over, he wished that he could feel something.

cut.

His mind suggested violently, and he shivered at his own thoughts. He was a year clean, was he really thinking about it again, how great it would be to feel something after he numbed himself. Its not like his life was worth living anyway, he was miserable and he made everyone around him miserable.

The people in his life would be better off without him, he should have just followed his plan of coming to America to die because then he wouldn't destroy Tyler's life when he ended his own. He was a walking time bomb, just waiting to explode and destroy anything around him.

He finally admitted to himself the problem he'd been facing the past few months, his issues didn't go away. He wanted to die, plain and simple he didn't want to be here anymore because breathing made him sad. He could dress up all he wanted and pretend to be happy, but he was still depressed and life always came back around to ruin him.

cut.

He covered his ears, he wasn't going to give in to the voices. Not this time, he wasn't as weak as he was before, he wasn't. The mostly empty beer bottle in his hand dropped to the floor with a smash as he remained unharmed sitting on his couch criss cross. His eyes glazing over as he mind chanted the single word, the alcohol turing him against himself.

cut cut cut

He wanted to scream, the voice in his mind getting louder. It was creeping into the early hours of the morning, Tyler didn't even call him and all he wanted to do was drunkenly spill his heart out. His body was stiff and numb and his mind was thumping with the same retched thought.

He was sad and alone and emotionally drained. He was tired, and not the kind that could be healed with sleep. He was tired of living and breathing and having to function, he wanted to be free from his own mind because it was constantly tearing him down.

just do it, cut

No, he shook his head violently. He felt himself beginning to cry as he got more and more frustrated with himself.

there's glass on the floor

He didn't feel safe but he didn't know what to do. He really just wanted to cry and he felt all his walls crumbling. His mind wasn't thinking straight, his head was spinning and he felt sick to his stomach. He was regretting the beer that clouded his vision because he felt like he was going through hell.

cut, it will go away.

"Shut up!" Troye yelled "shut up shut up" he began to cry, not able to hold himself together anymore. He wanted to do it, he did. The voices were right, it would make it better because he wouldn't have to hear it anymore. He didn't want to be alive anymore.

cut

the voice said again, Troye couldn't hold out anymore.

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A/N: 

I'm just gonna go...see you next time :) 

Good luck with your life, let me know if you want the next chapter...it may or may not be partly written already. 

Katie :)