Troye sat on the floor leaning in the corner of 'L' shaped couch. He stopped rubbing the tears away long ago and now he was just accepting them. He hated himself. No one cared no one wanted him, hell, he didn't even want himself. He closed his eyes slowly as a fresh wave of tears trickled down his cheeks. He pulled his legs to his chest and rested his head and hands atop his knees trying to steady his breathing. He finally managed to clam himself when there was a soft knock on the door. Troye was startled at first wondering who would be knocking on his door at 3:30 in the morning, when he remembered that Tyler was coming over.
Troye called to Tyler telling him that the door was unlocked and he could come in. Tyler slipped through the door and slipped his slippers off. He shut the door and locked it behind him. Troye didn't try to move, he just sat on the floor with his head now rested back on the couch and his knees to his chest. Troye was overwhelmed by emotions, he felt a storm ripping through him. He was writhing with anger while simultaneously shaking with sobs. He felt relief that Tyler had actually come but guilt for making him travel at such a ridiculous hour. He felt everything yet he also felt nothing.
Tyler watched standing a distance away from Troye. He watched as the younger boy starred into space and the tears washed down the boy's face. Tyler felt horrible, he wanted to take the pain away. Troye was a masterpiece and didn't deserve to feel this way. Tyler watched as Troye's own thoughts inevitably left metaphorical bruises on Troye's brain and heart. Tyler winced when Troye finally gave in and released a small cry.
"Troye" Tyler whispered into the silence afraid that if he spoke to loud he too would bruise Troye. He watched as Troye squeezed his eyes shut tighter and more tears leaked out. Tyler exhaled and moved towards Troye joining him on the floor in the dark living room. Tyler didn't want to break the fragile atmosphere that was spinning in the quiet one bedroom apartment. Tyler was stumped on what to do next. He looked down at his own lap and then up at Troye who still hadn't opened his eyes.
"What can I do" Tyler said quietly placing his hand on top of Troye's gently ensuring that he would not bruise the fragile boy sitting to his left.
"I can't believe that you actually came" Troye said not moving his hand out from under Tyler's. Tyler continued to look at Troye's face which remained still except for the few remaining tears.
"Troye, I think its time we break this deal" Tyler said moving his hand to brush the curls off of Troye's forehead. "I want to help you. Please. talk to me" Tyler said whilst pulling Troye's head so that it rested on his shoulder
Troye finally opened his eyes and Tyler flashed him a small reassuring smile "I just feel like everyday is a heart ache and every night I lie awake" Troye spoke quietly with a low voice "I miss my family but they don't miss me" he said warm tears pouring out of his eyes again
Tyler sat in shock, he didn't really understand, he thought that Troye's family was away for the time being that they would be back soon. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned his head to face the brown flop of curls on his shoulder. "They'll be home soon though I thought" Tyler said quietly and he felt Troye cringe and reach up to rub his eyes
"I lied" Troye said almost too quietly for Tyler to hear. Now Tyler was more confused than ever. He looked around the small apartment again. It all of sudden it hit Tyler and he knew that Troye had at least one sibling (that he talked about) as well as a mother and father, how could they all fit in the small apartment? and along those same lines who let their child who's a freshman in high school stay alone on the holidays. "Troye whats going on" Tyler questioned
Troye sat up and looked over at friend and took a deep breath "Tyler my family lives in Australia, I live here in this apartment alone. I moved out when I was 15 and came to Michigan. Lock Bridge is my second high school, I got expelled from my first school because someone was making comments about me being gay so punched them. This is my first time in public school for a couple years because I was homeschooled for my anxiety and depression. I'm fucked up, my family doesn't want me, so here I am. Crying on your shoulder in the dark because I'm scared of myself"
Tyler sat in silence looking back at Troye unsure of what to say in response. He was shocked and sad and overwhelmed. So many questioned circled Tyler's mind. Why was Troye afraid of himself? Why did he move out? Does he really feel that unloved? How could he possibly live on his own and feel this way? He broke out of his thoughts when he noticed that Troye was crying again
"A-and n-now that you kn-know this is w-when you walk o-out because I'm b-broken b-beyond repair and I r-ruin everything I t-touch" Troye choked out
Tyler looked at him wide eyed before pulling him into a hug grabbing the back of Troye's head to hold it in place on his shoulder as Troye continued to cry into the crook of his neck. The boys sat there in the middle of the dark living room as the emotions swirled in a vicious storm. Every sob that raked Troye's body caused pain to Tyler's heart. Tyler couldn't hold back the thoughts of wishing that this wasn't Troye's life. Troye deserved so much better than the crapy cards he got dealt in life.
Troye pulled back after a few minutes and wiped his eyes with closed hands. Tyler turned his head when he noticed Troye's uncover arms. He didn't notice until this moment but Troye's arms, which were usually covered by a long sleeved jumper, were now uncovered as Troye wore a short sleeved shirt. Pain struck Tyler's heart as his noticed the scars marking the boy's pale arms.
"Troye..." Tyler said breathlessly as he pulled Troyes arm down to examine the scars on his arms. Troye cringed as Tyler ran his fingers along the scars softly, like if Tyler pressed too hard he would bruise Troye's fragile existence. "Tyler please...s-stop" Troye said crying again as he pulled his arm from Tyler's hands.
"I want you to call me from now on when you feel like you need to do this" Tyler said as he felt the tears coming to his eyes too. Troye looked at him "thats what I did" he whispered and Tyler had to hold in a gasp
"Y-you were g-gonna..." Tyler took Troye's hand in his again. Troye breathed out "I haven't done it since you told me that you hoped I was okay that day in the bathroom three months ago" Troye blinked away the tears "You also stopped me that day I was crumpled up on the floor, you stopped me and you didn't even know it" Troye suddenly felt a rush of appreciation for Tyler
"I did?" Tyler said.
"Mmhmm" Troye responded as a comfortable silence settled in the room. Troye sat back again and leaned into Tyler's side appreciating the new found silence now that Troye got this hidden information off his chest.
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A/N:
I'M REALLY SORRY IF I KILLED ANY OF YOU (well kinda)
*makes slushie from snow and hands you a bowl*
Katie :)
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Stand By You (Troyler AU)
FanficEveryone struggles. Everyone faces their own problems and downfalls and fears. Tyler and Troye have become accustomed to dealing with their problems on their own. They limp through the struggles alone bearing the weight of depression, body image iss...