Stand By You (Troyler AU)

Halloween

—2 weeks later—

The air was crisp now in late October, and Tyler loved this time of year. Halloween was one of his top holidays and he loved to shop for costumes and prepare for Halloween night. He already had coordinating costumes for him and Troye to wear together and he couldn't be more excited.

Troye didn't reciprocate that excitement. He found Halloween panic inducing, literally that was what the holiday was meant for. Scaring the shit out of people...and getting candy. But to be perfectly honest Troye didn't find either of those two things appealing, especially as a person with an anxiety disorder. He loathed the holiday, but it made Tyler happy.

To top it all off, poor Troye had to endure trick or treating with Allexys and Penelope around Tyler's neighborhood. He was shaking with excitement at the simple idea of trudging around and demanding candy from strangers, couldn't you tell?

Waking up this morning Troye could already feel the panic in his bones, his heart was beating abnormally fast and he was sweating, but he was managing to keep himself calm and let Tyler sleep a bit longer. He sat at his computer looking throughout tumblr counting his breaths to calm his heart beat. Thankfully, it was working.

A little while later Tyler was awake too, demanding that they go find something to have for breakfast. They ate a quick breakfast and the plan was to lounge in bed until they had to get all costumed up and take the two girls trick or treating. Tyler could sense how tense Troye was but he didn't want to say anything, sometimes Troye preferred when Tyler didn't mention the tense ora he was giving off.

"Troye?" Tyler inquired after a hour of them sitting in horrible tense silence. "Yeah" he responding blankly looking at the computer in front of them and fidgeting with his fingers.

"what's going on babe"

Troye tore his gaze away from the screen to look at Tyler "nothing, just distracted...sorry" He said. Tyler wanted to roll his eyes at the robotic nature of Troye's response, they'd know each other over a little over a year, of course he could tell when Troye was lying. This was one of those times, Troye was far to distracted for there to be nothing wrong. Especially while they watched a movie, Troye usually curled up to Tyler's side and toyed with the edge of Tyler's shirt, but right now he was sitting criss cross and toying with his own fingers.

"You're a horrible liar" Tyler said

Troye glared at him "I'm not lying, everything's fine. I'm just thinking about random stuff" he explained and smiled softly at Tyler. Troye was telling the truth, he was dimly thinking about things. He was thinking about his life in general, falling into a pit that wasn't exactly positive.

He never really admitted to himself that he still felt spells of sadness, usually set off by being anxious. Hence the reasoning behind the sour turn to his thoughts. All he could think about was how inevitable his panic attack was going to be, he could ready feel it building. Troye hated that he let his thoughts get the better of him when he is feeling this way, it just makes him more sad.

Once he was satisfied with the idea that Tyler wasn't paying attention to him he excused himself to the bathroom, rush in and closing the door behind him. He was sick of his anxiety and depression and he was going to getting better. He didn't want to take his medication anymore, he wanted the panic attacks to go away forever, not just for the moment.

He opened up the cabinet and pulled out the familiar bottle of medication. It listed his name and dosage and health facts, everything that was important...not that he cared in this moment. His heart was racing as he twisted the cap off the bottle and dumped the contents of the container into his hand. He began pacing the bathroom, was he really going to do this? Tyler would kill him, Dan would give him a lecture, but it would make him feel so good, so satisfied.