Relax, Relapse

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I headbanged to the song relax, relapse by Get Scared while my Bae was in the shower. "RELASPE, RELAX, RELASPE, RELAX, RELAPSE, RELAX!!! FFUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!" My hair slung in every direction. I had my phone in my hand and my hands by my sides, slinging along to the music. I jumped up in bed and slung my head up and down. Acting like I was on stage with a million people looking at me. I played my fantasy air guitar, and bit my lip. When the song went off, I let my body fall backwards and back on the pillow. I let my arms fall to my sides and listened to the next song that came on R.I.P by Get Scared. My head still hurt from all the alcohol I drunk last night. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the bands' screams. I let my mind travel and I let my body relax. Then a pair of arms flew around my waist and pulled me close. "Marilyn" I gasped. He chuckled, and let me go, standing straight up. I looked at his wet chest. I blushed when I looked further down, no towel. "See something you like?" He asked and laughed. I put a hand over my mouth and rolled over, laughing my ass off. He crawled next to me and cuddled with me. We sat there for a moment then I felt his hand crawl up my thigh. I was only wearing one of his shirts that went to my mid-thigh, and a pair of lacy black panties. His hand rubbed my legs up and down. I closed my eyes and put my hand on his, wrapping my hand around his. He pulled himself closer to me, and grabbed my hips and flipped me around. His forest green eyes darted back and forth in my green ones as well. Both his hands were traveling through my body. I shivered when his hand came around to touch my back. "Promise me something." He whispered. I put my arms around his neck. "Anything." He licked his lips and put his other hand on my face. "Promise me you won't ever leave me." His eyes started to tear. I hugged him tightly. "I'd never leave you, marilyn. Not for all the money in the world. Not for all the fame, not for anything. I love you. I'd never leave. Ever." I Nuzzled my face in his scared up chest.

I let my hands come down his neck and to his chest. I traced his scars. One under his left nipple, which was the deepest, I kissed. He gasped in a breath. I kissed up his chest and to his neck. I kissed slowly up his jawline. His cheek, then his lips, ever so slowly. His hand came to my neck and he pulled me closer. His tongue entered my mouth and I let him explore. His hand, the one on my back, moved to my hip. He pulled the lacy material up, and let it come back down with a Pop. His other hand pulled at the seem of his shirt on me. I pulled it over my head and he stared hungrly at me. He kissed me up and down, I tried getting up, but he pushed me down and got on top of me. He pinned my arms down beside me and kissed me hard on the mouth. He had already slipped my panties off when I wasn't paying attention. He slid his hands down my scared thighs. He looked at them with pity in his eyes. He began to kiss them slowly. My eyes started to tear, but I closed my eyes and sucked the tears back in. He still had my hands pinned by my sides, but let them go, and rubbed my leg. "I don't..." He said looking down at my legs. "Why would you do this to yourself?" A tear came down my cheek, but I kept my eyes closed. "Look at me." His tone was serious. I breathed out a very crooked breath, but kept my eyes shut. I out my hands to my face. "Leonna." I shook my head and cried into my hands. He crawled over to me in the bed and sat next to me. He pulled me up and on top of him. He pulled me into a hug, and let me cry. "Baby. Look at me please." I shook my head and cried more. He ripped my hands away from my face, and he said, "look at me now!" I slowly tilted my eyes up to him. "Tell me wants wrong." I shook my head and looked at the bed afraid of his daring eyes. "Why have you never told me why you cut yourself?" I let out a slow steady breath. "Because..." I began swallowing. "Because I thought it would be stupid to tell you all my problems...guys don't want to here stupid shitty tales of the past like mine." He pulled my chin up and I let my eyes melt into his. "You can tell me anything. Don't just keep it inside. I'm here! You can tell me." I put my arms around him. "I know." He held me tight. "Do you want to tell me?" I sighed. "I guess you deserve to know..."

We cuddled up next to each other and got the blankets over us. "It was when I was 13 that my parents died. A "friend" of my father's killed them in the middle of the night. I didn't know until I heard screaming. I was really scared, but I got up and called 911. After he had shot both my parents, he came into my room..." I took a breath. Not wanting to cry. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. "You don't have to finish if you don't want to baby." I shook my head. "No..no I want to...I need to get this of my chest." He just nodded and I went back to my story. "He came into my room. And he raped me." The tears started to come really fast. "I was put in a foster home. The guy went to jail for rape and murder. And someone actually felt sorry for me and took me in. I went back to school a week or two later. Everyone had heard about me and my family, and they just stared at me. Some of them laughed. The fucking laughed. I wanted to....I wanted to die." Tears were pouring down my face now. "Everyday was the same. They bullied me. Tortured me. Fucked with me. Played with me. Like I was nothing. They called me a freak. An emo faggot. Pathetic. worthless. I was nothing to them but a fucking toy. I started cutting. Oh god, it took away so much pain. I could forget. But then when I stopped, I felt that pain come rushing back to me. I feel in love with my friend at school, my one friend in the world. I told her how I felt and she pushed me away. She called me a freak too. Do you know how much that hurt?! Do you know how...how bad it feels to be pushed away? To...to be nothing?!" I tried to breath evenly, and calm down.

"I tried to commit suicide that night. I took a whole bottle of my mothers pills. I wrote a note and laid on my bed. I was ready to die. I was ready for the pain to stop. I was ready to face my fears of dying. Of hell. I was ready to let go. I closed my eyes and I saw this bright light. And I saw my mom. I..I saw my..my mom. She smiled, and took my hands. "You can't let go yet baby. You have more to discover." she touched my cheek and I woke up the next day in the hospital. Not a clue how I got there. When I found out I was still alive, I cried my eyes out. "No!" I screamed at my mom and dad. "I'm supposed to be dead! I'm supposed to...to die! I can't live like this anymore!!! I just can't!!" After is as in the hospital for a few weeks my mom and dad made me have to go to a therapist 6 days out of the week. I practically lived over there...." I rubbed my tears away, and breathed in another crooked breath. His eyes looked tear stained. "Aw. Don't cry for me, baby. I'm okay now." I smiled a weak smile. He put his head on my chest. "I'm so sorry, leonna. I..I never knew..." Tears ran from his eyes. I rubbed the away "No. Its fine. You want me to tell you the rest?" I asked, he nodded

"Well, after a year or two going to my therapist, I stopped talking about my problems. I did try to stop cutting. I stopped crying. I just smiled my way along. Acted like everything was fine. My therapist checked my thighs and arms. Just scars. Some new. Some old. And after a while, she let me go. I was 16 about to be 17. It was around march, and my birthday was in April. So I didn't have much to go. I took online classes. I read a lot. Practically every book that was ever made I read. Then I moved out of my parents house when I turned 18. Then I met the most wonderful person in the world." His expression grew dark, thinking it was someone else. I wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled. "I met you." His dark expression disappeared and a smile rose on his face. "I have been the most happiest person in the world since I met you. I haven't cut. I haven't even thought about it for a second. You've made me so happy. It couldn't get any better. No one could make me feel as good as you do. You make me feel like I'm worth something. Like I'm beautiful. That I'm worth saving. That someone could love me, and not just for my looks, but for my heart. You make me feel like a woman. You make me feel like I have something to wake up for in the morning. Like I'm worth living for." My voice began to break. "You make me feel loved..." I laughed. "You make me feel charished." Tears poured down my face and I smiled. "Nobody could ever make me feel so special the way you do. And I thank you for that... I thank you for letting me be that someone special in your life. And I thank you for making me feel like all the things I said. I love you with all my heart, Marilyn. I really, really do." I hugged him tight and put my face into his bare chest.

He wrapped his arms around me, swallowing me whole. "God, leonna, I fucking love you more than anything." His voice broke and he began to cry. His body shook and I held him tight. "Don't cry please." I said. I broke away from his grasp and looked into his gorgeous green eyes. "Think of how you make me feel. And think of what you do for me. Think of how you love me. Think about how good we have it, to have your soulmate, to have love. Some people don't have that. Don't cry for what happened it the past. Smile for what's going to happen in the future." We both smiled, and I wiped the tears away from his eyes. "I love you." He said. "I love you more." We laid side by side. His hands folded into mine and we slept. God, I love this man. I thought. I smiled one last time, and closed my eyes and thought of a different world in which had beautiful flowers and trees. And I thought about how me and Marilyn just sat there and laughed and smiled, talking about the good old days. How I would love to go in a beautiful place like that. I pushed the thoughts away, and cuddled closer to him going back to my wonderful place with Marilyn.

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Wow. The things I do for you people! Over 2000+ words.
So vote and comment on what you think! Love my readers!
And I hope you keep going with my story!
Thx

~Kat

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