My Marilyn Manson Love Story❤

To much to handle

"You look good." He said and left. What the hell was he thinking? Coming in here and asking me to take him back. Did he really think I was that damn desperate?! I have a damn boyfriend!

I walked back to my bedroom. Sam's junk was covered up by the sheets. He was sitting up, and waiting for me to come back. I sat down next to him on the bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know he would come over. He broke up with me 4-5 months back. I'm-" he stopped me. "W...was that....Marilyn Manson?" I nodded my head. His eyes popped open. "You went out with Marilyn Manson?" I was taken aback. "Yeah, I went out with Marilyn Manson. Is that so surprising that he would go out with me?"

He looked at me in shock. "No. I mean, why did you go out with him? He's a weird psychotic freak that's sings hardcore shit that sucks." I almost slapped him. "You don't look like the type of girl that he would go with." I gave him my death glare. "For one, his music is fucking fantastic. For two, I'm not the same person I used to be. I was a gothic, freak once before as well. So don't be hatin' on him. Cause if you hate on him, that means you're hating on me. Because I was like him in more ways than one. I used cut. I was suicidal. I had emo hair. I was insecure. I listened to that "hardcore shit that sucks"  I smoked more than I do now. I hated everybody. My parents died and I was raped. I had to go to an institution for pyscho people. I hated myself everyday. I put myself down. I loaded on black make-up like there was no tomorrow. I was his kind of chick. So don't ask me why I went out with him or why he went out with me. Okay?" He stared at me in complete, an utter shock.

"You....you never told me all this. Why?" I sighed. I put my hand on his. "Because I was afraid you would run. I was afraid you wouldn't stay with me. I thought you'd say I was a freak. And I didn't want that to happen, because I knew I would die if you did say that." He withdrew his hand from mine. "You lied to me about your scars. You lied to me about everything." He stood up and put his pants on. "Sam. Don't go." He faced me. "Don't go?! You just told me your whole life story in a few sentences then tell me 'don't go?!'"

I started to cry. "Don't be upset. Please." He started to sat something then stopped. He sat next to me and hugged me. "Don't cry. I'm sorry. You should have told me sooner." I cried into his shoulder. "Just so you could do this? Leave me because 'you can't handle the pressure?' " I pushed him away. "Just leave." I stood up and faced the wall, crossing my arms. He went to touch me. "JUST LEAVE!!!" I screamed. He pulled his hand back and grabbed his shirt and shoes off the floor. He looked at me one more time before he walked out the door.

After he left, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife. I got me some pen and paper and went back in my room. I slowly closed my door and locked it. I breathed in a fresh breath of air, My breath shaky. I slowly sat down on my bed and began to write.

Dear whoever is reading this,

I can't take it anymore. Everyone that I love has left me and I am alone. My parents are dead. Both my soul mates are gone. I'm tired of this. Tired of thinking there is a better way. Tired of all my friends dying. Tired of being treated like crap. Tired of this world. Tired of the people. I've tried not to think about lots of things, but I can't shake the feeling everybody wants me dead. I know this is the only way I can stop that feeling. I'll be with my mom and dad. I've wanted to die since I was a teenager. I want to stop breathing. I want to stop thinking. I want to stop being jealous. I want to stop being me. Marilyn, I'm sorry about what I said. I will always love you and no matter where I go, you'll always be a part of me. I forgive you.
Sam, I also forgive you. I understand how hard it is for someone to just tell you everything in just a few seconds. But there was no right for you to act like you did.
I know I'm suicidal. I know I cut. I know I'll always be addicted to cutting and smoking. Until today of course. I forgive everyone who has done something bad to me. Or make me feel bad. Or make me feel like I'm nothing. I forgive you. And I'll forgive me too. For putting myself down. For cutting myself. For thinking I'm not good enough. For thinking negatively about my body. For not treating myself the way I should be treated. I was wrong when I said I was nothing. Because to someone, I'm special. But I have to do this. I cannot handle anymore pain. And I'm already starting to cry so I better get this done and over with. I'm so sorry if I hurt you in anyway possible, but you'll be better off without me.

Sincerely,
You're now dead friend
💜

I ripped the page out and left it on the bed. I pulled my sleeves up and looked at the naked skin. Never been touched. Never been cut. This was gonna be new.

I took the blade and slid it across my arm. I gasped at the pain, but it slowly went away. I cut again, and again, and again, an again. After I cut both arms as much as I think I deserved, I cut a deep, vertical line down my left arm. The knife fell from my hand and onto the hardwood floor. I slid down the side of the bed and onto the floor. Tears blurred my vision. I smiled one last time and closed my eyes. My hands by my sides. Blood pooled around me, soaking my clothes and my arms. My breathing was heavier. I couldn't barely breathe. My eyes hurt and so did my arm.
I can be free. I thought. I smiled again. I can be free....
_______________________

Omg I just cried my eyes out!!!!!
I killed me!!! XD
Vote and comment on what you think.
Is she dead for real?
Does someone find her?
What will happen next?!?!