My Marilyn Manson Love Story❤

No more Willow

My eyes fluttered open to a bright light. A really bright light. I felt the pain in my head right off. I brought a hand up to my forehead and hissed. It hurt like hell. I opened my eyes fully and looked at my surroundings. Hospital. Nobody was in there with me. Surprise, surprise. I tried to sit up, but I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I cried out and someone came in the door. Sam. "Sam-" I huffed out. My head hurt so bad along with the other hurt in my hand from the break, which I don't know how I did that. He rushed over to me. "Are you okay? I'm so so so sorry. It was all my fault. I shouldn't have been a bitch. Please please forgive me. Oh my gosh are you okay? What's wrong? What hurts?" My hand went to my stomach. But something didn't feel right. I turned my head a little. "Sam...what about the baby?" I looked at him. He looked at me with sad eyes. "Sam." I urged. "What. About. The. Baby." He bit his lip and a tear came down his eye. "Leonna-" I stopped him. "Is my baby...." I started crying. "Is my baby still alive?" He took my hand. "Leonna, the baby...she didn't make it....I'm sorry..." I put a hand to my mouth. I loud cry came from me. "No...No! No!" I hit the bed with my fist. "NO!!" I screamed. He started crying too. "When you...when you fell...the baby didn't...she couldn't be saved. The doctors said she started dying when you hit the wall. With all that force...she just couldn't handle it." My eyes poured and poured and poured tears. There was a hole in me now. A hole that couldn't be fixed. I paused for a moment. "Did you say...she?" I looked at him with hurting eyes and he nodded. "They could make out what the baby was when they...you know." He stopped and looked at the ground. His hands fiddling with one another. My head hit the back of the pillow and I tried to muffle out my cries.

"And um..." Sam began biting his lip. "They said...they said the baby was...mine." I looked up at him with a gasp. I put a hand to my stomach and it was like I could kind of feel her inside me still. Her. Willow...I cried again and again and again and again. My cries didn't stop that night. Or the next. I felt nothing. I felt like I had no life in me anymore. I couldn't eat. Sleep. Nothing. Just sit and be depressed and mentally, physically, and emotionally die. Sam was there the whole time. I didn't see Marilyn. Not once. I don't think he could possibly bare looking at me and seeing what he did, to what he thought, was our child.

Most nights I would cry on Sam's shoulder. Sam was now the only person I had. The only person I needed. I stayed in the hospital for a good week at most, then I came home. My home. I curled up in bed and Sam curled up with me. He put his hand on my face and he smiled. I smiled back. After willow died I've felt bad. Most likely worse than when my parents died. I could really feel when Willow died. I could feel the hurt and the pain. I had no more Willow. No more Marilyn. No more me. But somehow deep down I knew she was in a better place. A better place with my parents up there. They would take care of her now. And that's okay with me.

I went to sleep with Sam's arms around me. It felt weird not having something moving around inside of me. Not having that I'm-about-to-throw-up feeling was nice, but somehow I sort of...missed it, maybe? Or maybe it was that I just missed my baby. My Willow.

The next day my phone dinged and woke me up. I jumped awake and stretched my arm out for Sam. He wasn't there. I snatched up my phone and tried to read what it said.

Hey

It was from Marilyn. I gasped in surprise. I put the phone back on the shelf. Did I really want to text him back? He is the one that made me loose the baby after all. I mentally slapped myself. He was just trying to protect me. He thought Sam tried to do something he wasn't supposed to and he attacked on instinct. But I kept telling him to stop and stop and stop. He just doesn't know when to quit. I picked my phone back up with shaking hands.

Me: um hey...

Marilyn: I want to apologize. I know that doesn't undo what I did...but I still wanted to at least try you know?