the boss ➟ muke ✓

bonus chapter #2

may seventh, 2016.

dear brooks,

i remember when we had a chat one day about self-harming when i brought it up. i said that i was so sad and lost, and i had seen this thing on the internet that i wanted to try called self-harming. at the time, i couldn't see why someone would purposely try to cause themselves pain, but now i can see why; it's to stop feeling so damn empty.

maybe this is why luke does it. he hasn't hurt himself since the day i kissed every single scar that was on his body. all of his scars were so deep and it made me really sad, just to imagine someone i love so dearly to inflict pain upon themselves. this is why i started to cry when i walked in on luke in our bathroom with the blade pressed up against his wrist, tears threatening to spill from his puffy blue eyes.

i thought he was happy, and i didn't know why he would want to hurt himself. but then i realised that, just because someone is no longer single, it doesn't mean that that person is suddenly cured of their depression. nope, they're still going to be feeling sad.

so when i saw luke, tears sprang to my eyes and i jumped forward to snatch the blade right out of his trembling hand. i grabbed it so hard in an attempt to keep it as far away as possible from luke's wrist that it dug into my fingers, but at the moment i didn't care. i tossed the blade into the sink and pulled luke into a big hug, murmuring soothing things into his ear as i tried to hug together all of his broken pieces.

the reason why i'm writing this down in a letter to you is because i can finally understand the pain that you must have gone through when you were set on killing yourself. you didn't want a pain that would last for a bit; you wanted the pain to end altogether. i wish you hadn't drank so much, otherwise it would have been easier to coax you down from the bridge.

when you fell from the bridge, i kept trying to peer over the edge but luke kept holding me back. i managed to catch a glimpse of your blood mixing with the dark blue, choppy water, and it made me think of a painting you once did. you know, that one with the dark and light blue colours that looked with waves with red strokes going through it? i left your paintings with your parents back in america, because i felt like it would be wrong of me to take one of your paintings without your permission.

sincerely, michael