Enough... (Completed)

Ch. 30 (Beyoncé)

I woke up the next morning with a huge ass headache, my head was literally pounding. Pills aren't going to help everything. My eyes remained closed, I was scared that light will struck my face and blind me and make the headache worsen.
My hand met another body, I suspected that it was Shawns.

I heard Liana crying and I was ready to get up and console her tears, but Shawn stopped me, mumbling an 'I got her' before leaving the room.
I went into the bathroom and of course, just like any other time, my reflection mocked me.
For my mistakes, for my worries, and my fears.
I feel this heavy weight on my shoulders, that feeling won't leave if I keep holding onto this pain.

I decided that today will be the day I tell Shawn, everything. From beginning to present, it was the only way that we could be, I have to get this off my chest.

I did all of the necessities that kept me looking, smelling, and feeling Beyoncéish. When I walked back into our bedroom Shawn was on the phone.

"Oh she's right here actually," Shawn spoke.

"Who is that?"

When he mouthed 'ma' I knew Ms. Gloria was on the phone, I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks. I'd always call her to find out a recipe for something, I loved Ms. Gloria, she was really my second mom. And that's how it should always be.

He handed me over the phone and I already knew Ms. Gloria was ready to give me an earful and then some. I exited the room while speaking to her.

"What's all this I hear about you keeping things from my son?" Ms. Gloria asked in the famous concerned-black-mom tone.

I chuckled, "To be honest with you mama, there's certain things that I wasn't ready to tell Shawn. Certain things that I think he's better off not knowing..."

"What are you so afraid of?"
"I hope you aren't afraid of him leaving or acting differently."

I opened my mouth to speak but it soon closed because that's exactly what I was afraid of.

"Beyoncé that boy is head over heels for you, so head over heels that he's willing to do any and everything for you. You're more than just a babymama to him," we laughed. She has to be serious about what she's saying too because she rarely called me Beyoncé, it was always Bey or BB.

"Mama, I just... I don't know. I guess that besides Kelly I never really had anyone to vent to. I really have trust issues and..."

"You don't trust him do you Bey?"

"Not as much as I should."

"That's very understandable. He was acting like I didn't raise him right at one point in time. But at the same time BB, you gotta see where his head is... he thinks that he isn't pleasing you enough. He thinks that it's his fault that you got involved in this life."

"It's not his fault at all mama."

"You gotta tell him that."

I sighed, she was right. She's always right.

"Alright mama."

"Call me back and tell me how it goes."

"Okay, talk to you later."

I hung up the phone after she said her goodbyes. I took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. When I entered our master bedroom Shawn was watching TV with Liana spread across his chest, she was so small compared to him. I loved this, I love how my life turned out but I'm scared, what if this is different after this conversation? What if I never get to witness this moment again? Because of my past, I feared the future. I tend to live in the past, yet I want to forget about it. It's time that I grow the hell up and tell my fiancé what he deserves to know.