16.
After the festivities of the Foundation Week is the preparation for the finals week. Dalawang lingo nalang ay matatapos na ang first semester. Halos lahat ng mga madaanan mong estudyante ay naghahabol sa lessons at requirements. Tuluyan ng natapos ang kasiyahan ng nakaraang lingo at bumalik na kami na sa normal na atmosphere ang university.
Sa college namin kanya kanya silang paraan ng paghahabol ng grades. Ang mga madalang pumasok noon ngayon ay halos araw araw ng nakikita. Punuan ang mga Library at reading places. Madami kang estudyanteng makikitang may naglalakad habang hawak ang notes at nagme-memorize. Frustration and anxiety are written on their faces. At kapag dumating ang finals week ay mas double ito.
Hindi maiwasan na ganoon din ang maramdaman ko. Hindi nawawala ang pressure tuwing exams. Kapag nasa classroom my classmates would often stare at me, wondering how can they get the same grades. Mas naging competitive at heated ang mga discussions. Minsan nagkakasagutan pa. It’s a dog eat dog world. Halos lahat gustong manguna at maungusan ang iba.
One evening while I’m having dinner with my parents Dad asked me about the upcoming finals week.
“I heard it’s your finals next week.” sinabi niya.
Napa-paused ako sa pagkain. “Yes, Dad.”
“Make sure you’ll remain at the top of your class. Hwag mong hayaan na may makahabol sayo.”
Umiwas ako ng tingin bago sumagot. “Yes, Dad.”
It was a routine. I have to agree. Dahil lalaki lamang ang usapan kapag may sinabi akong iba. It was all a race for him. Nothing more but statistics and grades and who’s going to be on top.
Bumalik ako sa kwarto matapos ang dinner at muling humarap sa mga kadangkal na mga libro na nasa study table. My parents provided me with everything I needed to make sure my grades will turn out well. Kahit mga libro na hindi kasama sa requirements ay binibili nila para sa akin. Tuwing nagre-review ay hindi nila ako ini-storbo.
But deep inside, I’m suffocated. It’s not about learning anymore but to be on top in the most efficient way possible. I love learning new things but whenever I review my lessons I have this uncanny worry that I will mess up, that I will not meet my parents and people’s expectation of me. And sometimes I just want to get away from the pressure and not care to be on top for once.
—-
Finals week are no work week in the office. Kailangan namin mag focus para sa darating na finals. Thankfully ay nagawa na namin ang karamihan sa mga articles tungkol sa nakaraang Foundation Week. Kahit ang mga kasama ko ay seryoso sa pagrereview o paghahabol ng requirements. Madalang lamang kaming makompleto noong lingong yon. Minsan nakakasalubong ko na lamang sila sa campus at doon magbabatian.
Halos lahat ng aking free time ay nakalaan sa pagre-review. I’m on the library of reader’s sanctuary most of the time. Dahil sa dami ng mga bagong nangyari nitong unang semester ay nanibago ako sa finals. Madalas ilang lingo bago ang finals nakapagreview na ako. Pero dahil sa mga responsibilities ko sa Arcadian, ngayon palang ako nakapag focus sa pagreview. And I admit it’s taking its toll on me. I’m not used to rushing.
Habang nasa reader’s sanctuary ako noong hapong yon, hindi ko mapigilan na ipikit ang aking mga mata at umidlip. Wala pa akong maayos na tulog magmula noong matapos ang Foundation Week. These past few nights, I often spend my evenings reviewing my notes with a mug of steaming coffee to keep me awake.
Habang nakaupo sa bench at nakasandal ang noo ko sa libro ng accounting, naramdaman ko ang pagdating ng kung sino sa shed kung nasaan ako. Umupo ito sa tapat ko. Ramdam ko ang tingin niya sa akin.
BINABASA MO ANG
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