Something Spectacular

Spectacular: Twenty Nine

29.

The day of the enrolment came. Pinagpatuloy ko ang aking kurso tulad ng pinangako ko kay Mom. Nagkita kita kami ng aking mga kasama sa tapat ng university gate. It will be Pia, Lawrence, and Gavin's last semester in the university. Pero hangang sa mga oras na yon wala parin kaming balita tungkol sa kanya.

"Hindi parin nagtetext si Gavin."

"Darating kaya siya ngayong araw?" tanong ni Rhea.

"He will." Mariin na sinabi ni Pia.

"Kung ganon magkita kita nalang tayo pagkatapos ng emrolment." sinabi ni Charlie.

"Paano kung hindi parin siya dumating?"

"We'll talk about it on the meeting."

Sa mga nakalipas na gabi ilang beses kong sinubukang tawagan si Gavin kahit alam kong walang sasagot dito. I missed hearing his voice or his laugh. I wish I had record of it. I just missed him so bad.

Nagsimula ang enrolment process sa bawat college. Kinailangan naming maghiwa-hiwalay. Pumunta ako sa building ng CBA. Parang ang tagal na mula noong huli akong tumapak sa lugar. Napakadami ng nangyari at nagbago. Mula noong Foundation Day, final exams, semester break, hangang convention. It felt good going back and knowing I'm not trap in this place anymore, that there is more to my future, more to my environment, than what I'm accustomed to.

Nasalubong ko ang ilang mga familiar na mukha pagpasok ko sa building. A lot of them were smiling, excited. And some eyes were empty, lost. I used to be one of those people. I'm walking in the midst of a crowd. Some have concrete directions to take, some are contented with going with the flow of adulthood, and some are searching for a place to belong.

Adulthood is hard. It's the time where you realize who you are, your worth, and what you wanted to be. You no longer have time to do things you don't like, or to please people or to prove yourself to them. You reserve your care for certain people and you love the ones you want to keep.

Adulthood requires less drama from friends and deeper talks about life and decisions, good times slowly turn from clubbing and drinking to spending time and reserving energy to people who matter. It's where we feel most alive. But also feel most confuse. It's knowing what we want but not knowing how to get there.

A lot of people get lost in the process. Adulthood is where you are most exposed to reality. It's where you realize that the dreams you doodled on a piece of paper at the back of your wornout notebook, the book you want to write, the people you want to inspire, to art you want to create, reality can pull all of these down. Until you have to devalue these dreams you use to have a tight grip on for the sake of practicality.

And that's where a lot of adults lost themselves. It's where a lot of people die but not buried. Their souls die before they hit twenty five.

I often see it. Spending tones of money for things hoping it can make them alive again. But you see them going back, craving for small things. They crave to feel, to explore, to express, to feel the salty air on their skin, or the rays of the sun in their hair, to be lost in a misty forest, the comforts of blankets on a rainy day or the sound of laughter echoing at family dinners. They crave to feel alive.

And I hope these people I run into, no matter if it's a smiling face or vacant eyes, I hope they will find a place where they belong, with people who matter to them. I hope this generation will not fade and I hope it will not get tired of holding on to their dreams. I don't want these dreams to fade.

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Tumagal ang enrolment ng kalahating araw. Mahaba ang pila. Matagal ang proseso. But my mind was preoccupied to notice.