Author Games: Superhuman {Closed}

Task 1 :: Scores

DISTRICT 1 FEMALE: EVA GONZALES

Score:

9.75 [+1 for BEST GAMEMAKER REPRESENTATION] = 10.75

Feedback:
I thoroughly enjoyed this entry! Eva's snarky character is developing nicely, and it kept me entertained the entire time, which is a quality I look very highly upon, so fantastic job. I thought all of the Gamemaker's rooms were extremely clever and well thought out, especially President Avilia's for the symbolism, and Winter's for the danger, as I thought the snow's properties were quite creative. It was, however lacking in description and often informal, which did really take away from it. I also thought the scene of the attack where you skipped over the actual fight, also took away from the full potential of the entry

DISTRICT 2 FEMALE: QUINN PARKER

Score:
8.5

Feedback:

New competitor, average of all scores, without the ones that did not turn in and bonuses/penalties. Will start writing task two.

DISTRICT 3 FEMALE: WILLOW JACKSON

Score:
0

Feedback:

No Entry

DISTRICT 4 FEMALE: ELIZA 'IZA' REMON

Score:
0

Feedback:

No Entry

DISTRICT 5 FEMALE: AALIYAH TORREN

Score:
0

Feedback:

No Entry

DISTRICT 6 FEMALE: MARISSA CLAIRE

Score:
9 [-.5 for FORMAT PENATLY] = 8.5

Feedback:
This entry was really good! There were very few grammatical errors, and I enjoyed the Gamemaker's portrayals! It flowed fairly well, and I liked the way her character began to develop, and the references from her past. However, the character could have used a bit more work, and although the overall vocabulary was great, some descriptions did not flow very well, and made it slightly confusing. It was pretty short, and the email was not formatted correctly, but other than that, I really enjoyed the entry!

DISTRICT 8 FEMALE: KAREN JIBANYAN

Score:
0

Feedback:

No Entry

DISTRICT 9 MALE: JUSTIN CONNER

Score:
8 [+1 for FIRST ENTRY] [-.5 for WORD COUNT/FORMAT PENALTY] = 8.5

Feedback:
This entry was pretty good! However were a few grammar mistakes that really took away from it. To help you out later, remember to make a new paragraph every time someone speaks, watch the way your point of view changes, (going from I to he), and try not to put "..." where it doesn't belong. Also, remember to be realistic, or give a reason, such as how a bird could probably not support the weight of a human. If you are going to do something like that, have him remark upon how strangely strong the bird is, and how perhaps the gamemakers influenced it. Also, you got penalized a bit on formatting, because you did not add ballots, and on word count because you went over slightly, but since both were extremely minimal infractions, I combined them for a penalty of -.5. On a more positive note, I really liked the way Justin's character came through, in the way that he treated the animals. The Gamemaker representations were pretty symbolic, which I also really liked. I liked the darkness for the anonymous Gamemaker, and the malice with hidden fear for President Avilia. I also liked the way you showed his conflicting thoughts. So all in all good job, but really work on grammar!

DISTRICT 10 MALE: DARIUS LIONEL

Score:
7 [+.5 for SECOND ENTRY] [-.25 for FORMAT PENALTY] = 7.25

Feedback:
This entry was pretty good, but it definitely needs some work, which is fine! First, it was extremely short, with extremely minimal descriptions. There were a lot of grammar mistakes, and in the first paragraph it never explained who "they" were. Most of the grammar mistakes were the same as in Justin's entry. Darius's character was developed well, as the malicious killer, and there were references  to his past, which was great! However, his character was a bit one-sided. The representations of the Gamemakers were great, explained with out directly stating everything and both symbolic and story-fitting! So nice job, just make sure to do some more editing, and a bit more writing/description!

DISTRICT 12 FEMALE: KAYLA WILLIAMS

Score:
0

Feedback:

No Entry