DISTRICT 9 MALE: JUSTIN CONNOR
&
DISTRICT 10 MALE: DARIUS LIONEL
Score:
9
Feedback:
This was a good entry, especially toward the end, but it had some major problems. I will start with the positive things. The mirror image of Darius and the personification of death were both very symbolic which I really enjoyed. There was a lot of good character development, particularly with Darius - I am really growing to love his character. You displayed everyone's new powers well, and the restraints on each. There were plenty of moments that left you on the edge of your seat, and it kept me intrigued at the end. The cat's death was particularly poignant, and it was really well connected to the story, with foreshadowing and plot movement. There were some really clever quotes as well. However, there were a few things that really brought this entry down. Most of it was grammar. More editing would have really helped this entry. There were eight total editing mistakes, for example, a run on sentence, a few random words added or missing, and a few mixed up words. The writing seemed extremely awkward, and it really didn't flow. At times it was very confusing, do perhaps using more names rather than "he" or "she" could have made it clearer at certain points. There was a serious lack of descriptions, and at the beginning it didn't really capture my attention. Despite a few faults, overall it was a good entry, but perhaps a little more editing and descriptions would be helpful.
YOU ARE READING
Author Games: Superhuman {Closed}
FanfictionThis is a parody of the hunger games, where the readers submit tributes and can sponsor some tributes. The contestants will also have to write short stories, as well as help narrate the games, to survive.
