Author Games: Superhuman {Closed}

Task 4 :: Scores

Ok...so maybe not momentarily... But here are scores!

DISTRICT 1 FEMALE: EVA GONZALES

Score:
10.75 [+ 1 for BEST ROOM] = 11.75

Feedback:
This was an amazing entry! There was so much I liked about it. The symmetry of the Wizard of Oz allusions was just perfect, and well thought out! I liked the alternate ending to Katniss's story, but I was wondering if you meant 74th instead of 24th. (Although it is your own universe, so I didn't take of points for it.) the characterizations were gorgeous, from the body language to the sass and sarcasm, to bringing in her backstory. I loved the way her interactions with Marissa showed all of this. The descriptions and feelings were vivid and realistic, so great job there. The district themed room system was insanely clever, as was her idea of going through the capitol/district one room to escape. Now, for the negatives. A few of the character's speeches had no punctuation, such as where there should be a comma in:
"Okay," she said regretfully.
Rathern than what you did sometimes:
"Okay" she said regretfully.

There were a few things that messed up the flow of the entries, like using parentheses and repeating love and lovely. I thought the fight scene in the hologram room was not described in much detail, and it didn't really show you what was happening. Finally, you mentioned the final room as the Capitol room, but also as the District One room, which confused me, as they should be two different places. So, there were a few editing mistakes that should have been revised, but it was still an amazing entry! The characterization and description really helped you recover from the editing errors.

DISTRICT 2 FEMALE: QUINN PARKER

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 6 FEMALE: MARISSA CLAIRE

Score:
11.5

Feedback:
Used Automatic Score

DISTRICT 9 MALE: JUSTIN CONNER

Score:
8.75

Feedback:
This was a fair entry! First, on the positive side, I really liked some of the clever things Justin did, such as pickpocketing, and how that tied into his past, and using mind-reading in combative ways. There were many feelings involved and the internal conflict seemed realistic and true to his character. At the end Darius's character seemed realistic. As for the negatives, the other characters seemed far too kind for the last five in the Hunger Games. There were a few accidental spelling mistakes that also interrupted the flow. However the biggest issue was that there were little to no descriptions, and I really couldn't visualize anything. So, overall an okay entry, but needs a lot of work.

DISTRICT 10 MALE: DARIUS LIONEL

Score:
10.75 [+1 for FIRST ENTRY]= 11.75

Feedback:
This was an amazing entry! I absolutely loved the writing style, and the way his character developed from it! His interactions with the cat are hilarious and also show both of their characters developing. Darius is shown to be a dynamic character, not the cold-hearted static one, so that was fantastic! He was true to his character, but the morals of him owing others really continued to develop his character. The lowly cat leading him was very humbling and symbolic, so great job there. For the negatives, the descriptions could use a little work. The flow was often interrupted by parentheses, run-on sentences, and repetition. There was one place where you italizied 'the', which didn't make much sense. There were also a few times where you din't make a new paragraph close to the end of a character's speech.