Author Games: Superhuman {Closed}

Task 2 :: Scores

DISTRICT 1 FEMALE: EVA GONZALES

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 2 FEMALE: QUINN PARKER

Score:
7 [+1 for FIRST ENTRY] = 8

Feedback:

Overall, this was an okay entry, although some of it could use a little work. First, on the more positive side, there were several instances where her character shone through, and it did not seem too one-sided, so good job there.The pacing was pretty good, and kept me intrigued so, great job there too. However, the whole entry seemed rushed, as it was extremely short and there were very little descriptions, which definitely took away from the entry. There was almost no feeling, and it sounded very robotic. This and your grammar was where you lost the most points. There were also a few grammar mistakes, with misplaced commas and words, and one point of view change. There were several things not talked about, like the tributes stopping in their tubes, the feeling of falling when they ran up the wall, what the package did, and what the orb looked like. So all in all not a bad entry, but could use improvement, which is fine for your first task!

DISTRICT 3 FEMALE: WILLOW JACKSON

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 4 FEMALE: ELIZA 'IZA' REMON

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 5 FEMALE: AALIYAH TORREN

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 6 FEMALE: MARISSA CLAIRE

Score:
9 [+1 for BEST FIGHT]= 10

Feedback:
Overall, this was a great entry! I thought it was paced very well, and I really enjoyed the interactions with her powers and the other tribute's powers as well. I thought there was a fair amount of description, enough to allow me to visualize it in my mind, which is great! However, more a bit more description and more descriptive word choice might be nice. I also thought her character came through fairly well, but a little more characterization would be nice as well. There did not seem to be too many grammatical errors, although I did catch one or two. The ending dud feel a little rushed, and it was a little confusing. I think more of Marissa's thoughts might help. I also thought you could have gone a bit deeper with the feelings of regret towards the end. There were also not new paragraphs when the intercom spoke and one particularly long paragraph, which hurt the flow of the entry. I also thought that the way she manipulated the weapons with creative use of her powers made for great fight, so you got the best fight award!

DISTRICT 8 FEMALE: KAREN JIBANYAN

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 9 MALE: JUSTIN CONNER

Score:
10 [+.5 for SECOND ENTRY]= 10.5

Feedback:
Overall, this was a fantastic entry! There was lots of description and Justin's feelings and emotions shone through. There were many connections to his past, which was awesome, and really helped his characterization. The only characterization comment I have, is that he was a little one-sided. The grammar has improved greatly, although I did catch a few mistakes, such as misplaced words and commas. The pacing was pretty good, and the entry geld my attention fairly well. The conclusion was described very well, and I really liked the last few sentences especially.

DISTRICT 10 MALE: DARIUS LIONEL

Score:
9.5 [+.5 for BEST QUOTE]= 10

Feedback:
Overall, this entry was great! There were very few grammar mistakes, but I did notice a few, mostly the lack of quotations around the cat's speech and  that there were not new paragraphs directly after every speech. I really like his interactions with the cat, and the way his cold, malicious, character begins to change. There could be a bit more description, and a little bit more show rather than tell. I particularly liked some of the ending quotes about the cat, which is where you were given the best quote award!

DISTRICT 12 FEMALE: KAYLA WILLIAMS

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

*No one was given the best package award, because I was bot particularly impressed with any package. (Not that they were not creative, just that they were not intriguing enough for a bonus.)