Author Games: Superhuman {Closed}

Task 3 :: Scores

DISTRICT 1 FEMALE: EVA GONZALES

Score:
11.5 [+.5 for SECOND ENTRY] [+1 for BEST WAY TO ACHIEVE OPTION] = 13

Feedback:
This was an astoundingly good entry. Eva is an amazingly well-rounded character, and I love the way you show her thoughts and her perspectives on everything! The descriptions were vivid and they didn't clog up the entry or make it uninteresting. It had me captivated from the start, and it never got boring, which is a huge priority. I loved the way her heart beat was reoccurring throughout the whole entry, and there were many great comparisons and onomatopoeias. Her body language matched her emotions, and the descriptions of pain were creative and realistic. Your grammar was great. While the word count was kind of short, the entry didn't feel rushed, so that was fine.The only negative things I can say are that the first sentence of the hook could have been a bit more dramatic and that some of the formatting was a little off.

DISTRICT 2 FEMALE: QUINN PARKER

Score: 7.25 [+1 for FIRST ENTRY] = 8.25

Feedback:

Overall, I though this entry made great strides from the last one, but that there is still room for improvement, as always. First, on the positive side, there were many more descriptions, few grammar mistakes, and there was a fair amount of characterization involved for Quinn's opinions on killing. However, there wasn't much characterization for anything other than her thoughts on killing, and the other characters didn't seem very realistic. A few grammar mistakes did stand out, such as your use of apostrophes (') rather than quotation marks ("), your spelling of "thigh" as "thy", and that you should write out smaller numbers (say "four" instead of 4). Also, some of the description, although it has improved majorly, seemed forced, so just try to up the overall word choice, rather than have common words for most and then a few more descriptive ones thrown in.

DISTRICT 5 FEMALE: AALIYAH TORREN

Score:
0

Feedback:
No Entry

DISTRICT 6 FEMALE: MARISSA CLAIRE

Score:
8.5

Feedback:
Overall, this was a fair entry, but it seemed a little rushed and confusing. On the positive side, I really, really enjoyed the way the sentence stricture showed her emotions. I also liked the way the hallucination turned into a real tribute. There was a few sentences I thought were quite poetic, and Kay's dialouge seemed fairly realistic. The descriptions were very vivid, and the emotion was written very well. However, on the more negative side, the entry was full of run-on sentences and it felt really rushed. This made it very confusing, and it didn't keep my interest as much as it could have. There was a misspelling and a few misplaced commas, so there were a few grammar mistakes.
Some of Marissa's dialogue didn't seem realistic, and much of it did not  match the emotions. Lastly, this made it so that I really don't have a clear grasp of Marissa's character.

DISTRICT 9 MALE: JUSTIN CONNER

Score:
12

Feedback:

Used Automatic Twelve

DISTRICT 10 MALE: DARIUS LIONEL

Score:
12

Feedback:

Used Automatic Twelve