Band imagines

Alan Ashby Imagine

Warning(s); depression, self-doubt, low self-esteem etc.

This imagine is based on a dark episode of my life, but I'm over it now and getting better. I find that either writing or talking about my problems helps me to cope with them better because I know people are either reading or listening about them. If any of you are experiencing any hardships or problems in your life, and you feel like you have no one to talk too, you can talk to me, I'll always be here to listen and help!x 

Y/N's P.O.V:

*beep beep beep* 

My alarm sounds next to me, rudely waking me up from not-so-pleasurable sleep. I should be used to this by now however, not sleeping that is. I haven't slept properly for months now, I'm lucky if I get 4 hours a night. I've gotten used to seeing the hideous black/purple bags hanging under my eyes every time I look in the mirror, if I look in the mirror. I don't bother looking in the mirror anymore, I know I look terrible, I know how fat and ugly I am, that's what everyone else tells me anyway, so it must be true. 

After 20 minutes I gather just enough energy to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I don't really feel like showering but I don't want to give people at school another flaw of mine to pick out and laugh at. Peeling off my pajamas, it's impossible to not see what I've become. God damn my mum, wanting to buy mirrored tiles for the bathroom. As I lift my top above my head, my rib cage is easily visible, as well as my hipbones. I haven't been eating properly for a while now, I can't remember the last time I had a full sized meal. Sometimes I don't even eat at all, not that anyone bothers to check anyway. 

Now I'm fully naked and staring at the unrecognizable person I've become. My collarbones look as though their about to pop out of my skin, along with my rib cage and my hipbones. My legs don't touch anymore, no matter how hard I try. I am just skin and bones.  My eyes search my body, ashamed of what I've done to myself, but I couldn't help it. My mum had always told me I needed to be skinnier, but now I am, she seems disgusted with me, I don't know what I've done wrong. People at school would always call me fat, ugly, disgusting. They would tell me to kill myself or to go die. I tried that a few times but it didn't work. The only thing that was keeping me alive now was music.

Music. My sweet escape. Everyday I wish one day I'll meet my idols, that's the only reason I'm still alive. 

Once I've finished showering, I go to get changed. None of my clothes fit me, they're all too big. I pick out my favourite pair of black jeans, a Parkway Drive tank-top and my black hoodie. Today isn't a school day but I still feel like I should leave the house for a few hours. That probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had. 

I was walking around the local mall, keeping my head down, in case I saw anyone from school. It's the middle of summer so it's extremely hot. My mouth was becoming increasingly dry. I desperately dug through my pockets, searching for money, but it was no use, I'd left it at home. The more I tried to cool down, the hotter it seemed to get. I tried to find a bench to sit on but they were all taken. If I don't do something fast, I'm going to pass out, and I don't need that. It'll just give people at school something else to laugh about me. 

It's too late, I'm starting to get black spots in my vision. My head feels as if it's spinning. I try to grab a hold of something, anything, but I couldn't find anything. I fell to the ground, hard, unconsciousness consuming me.

Alan's P.O.V:

Me and the guys are currently on tour, but today is our day off. The guys are starting to bore the shit out of me so I decide to head out for a while.