Band imagines

Austin Carlile Imagine

TRIGGER WARNING; SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, MAY HAVE MENTIONS OF SELF HARM, DEPRESSION.

(Y/BF/N= your best friends name)

Y/N'S P.O.V;

I was finally getting better. I'd been seeing a therapist for over a year. I thought she was helping. I was wrong.

A few weeks ago Austin left for a six month tour. I thought I'd be fine without him, like I usually am, but this time it's different. Something terrible happened. 

A few nights ago I received a phone call. It was from Y/BF/N mum. They'd been killed by a drink driver. I haven't slept since I received the call, I haven't eaten or moved from my bed, only when necessary. I've stopped taking my medication, I haven't been to my therapist appointments, I don't see the point anymore. The only people who motivated me to go are no longer here, one of them forever. 

*2 months later*

Austin found out about Y/BF/N'S death. He's called me every night since, making sure I'm okay. Of course I've lied about being fine, I don't want to worry him whilst he's touring. 

I haven't told him about the thoughts returning. The thoughts of leaving this world, ending my numb life. Or the thoughts of harming myself just to feel something. I couldn't possibly do that to him, not right now.

But the thoughts are all I have now. They're with me all day and all night. They don't allow me to sleep, and when they do, they haunt my dreams. 

I'm afraid these thoughts are no longer just thoughts, they're now my reality.

*4 months later*

I'm so ashamed. I promised myself I'd never do this to myself again, but more importantly, I promised Austin. 

About three months ago the thoughts became too much to handle. I started self harming again. I started going over old scars, hoping to relive the thoughts, but that didn't work, they still consumed me. So I had to make new ones.

This has be happening for about two months now. I'm no longer able to hide what I've done to myself, not that that matters, I never leave the house, it's just Austin I need to hide them from when he gets back in a few days.

---------------------------------------

I'm lying on the bathroom floor, exhausted from the thoughts and cutting. I've given up. I can't move, the empty bottle of pills lay next to me, this is it, I'll finally be free of my suffering.

That's when I heard the front door open. Shit. Austin. I try to get up and hide any evidence of my suicide attempt, but it's too late, the pills are already taking control. My limbs go numb as I fall to the ground, creating a huge amount of noise. This is how Austin is going to see me for the last time, weak and pathetic. 

"Y/N?" I hear Austin call from the hallway.

What have I done?  I think to myself before everything goes black. 

Austin's P.O.V;

As I open the front door I hear a long bang come from the bathroom. 

"Y/N?" I call out, hoping nothing serious has happened.

I begin to worry when she doesn't answer. I quickly drop my bags on the ground and make my way to the bathroom. I go to open the door but it's locked.