PREATH- Full Circle

Ch. 30

Today was Grayson's first round of chemotherapy, and Tobin and I would both be there. Tobin carried Grayson into the hospital where they hooked him up to the machine, and began the treatment.

Only one of us was allowed in the room at a time, so Tobin went in first. As I sat in the waiting room, my mind went places. Contemplating the worst situations possible. I sat in the corner and tried to focus on my phone, but my mind kept going back to the room where my son was being treated for cancer. Cancer. My son. I don't think it's set in yet. I turned my attention back to my phone, but a few minutes later, Tobin texted saying she needed to switch. I headed into the room, not at all knowing what to expect.

"Mommy." Grayson rasped.
"Hey Graykey." I said. "How are you?"
"Sleepy."
"Okay. Then go to sleep."
"Okay." He yawned. I took this time to take in the scene around me.

His small frail body enveloped in the hospital sheets. The chemo. The bag, the tubes running in and out of the structure and of Grayson. As they fluttered shut, I noticed his eyes. Once a vibrant navy, now a milky gray. All the life drained of them. That's when I lost it. I sat in the chair and let out all the emotion that I had been holding in since his diagnosis. I cried more than ever before. I let them fall. My head on my hands, hard sobs rocked my body. I looked around for something to throw, and nothing was there, so I kneeled in front of the chair and pounded my fist into it as hard as I could. Letting myself go. Once I exerted all of my punching energy on the chair, I just folded my arms and sobbed into them. This was all too much. It wasn't fair. I continued to let myself loose, and I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me.
"Hey baby. Shh it's okay." I instantly calmed down at the voice. Tobin picked me up and sat in the chair with me in her lap.
"To-bin." I stifled through a diminishing sob.
"I know Chris. I know." She did what she could to comfort me. I buried my face into her shoulder and let myself calm down. I felt her lips kiss the hair that was pushed just above my ear.
"I love you Christen. Everything is going to be alright." She whispered.
"I love you too Tobin." I whimpered into her shoulder. As she rocked me back and forth, Grayson's nurse came in and said that he was done with treatment for the day. Rather than waking him up, once they disconnected the tubes, Tobin picked him up and cradled him as we walked to the car. She kissed his forehead as she placed him into his car seat. We both hopped into the front two, and took off.
"When we get home, do you wanna pick up the other two, or me?" Tobin asked.
"Whatever you want."
"Why don't you go pick up the Em and Cade. You look like you need a break, baby."
"I guess so." I sighed at the accuracy of that statement. When we pulled into the driveway, Tobin lifted him out and carried him inside. Placing him gently into bed, then leaving the room, closing the door gently behind her.
"Lobo do you have to go outside? Cmon buddy." I called and opened the back door to the porch to let the dog out.
"Tobin I'll be back in 20 minutes." I called as I headed out the door.

I drove to pick Caden up first at Greenfield Elementary. When I arrived he was waiting in the pickup line, right next to Logan, who happened to go to the same school.

"Mommy!"
"Hi Caden." I mustered as much happiness as I could. We headed to the car, and he buckled himself in his booster seat.
"Do we still need to pick up Em?"
"Yeah we do."
"And Grayson?" He asked hopefully.
"No Grayson is at home." I said, making eye contact through the rear view.
"Oh." I watched as his face fell.
"I know buddy. He just had to get his special medicine today."
"Mommy. Please tell me what's really wrong with Grayson. When I'm sick, I get better but Gray hasn't."
I was utterly shocked by that question. I guess he was really growing up. We couldn't fool him anymore.
"Uh yeah. Just... Uh... Let's get Emmy and go home with mama, okay?"
"Okay." He sighed.
"Love you Cade."
"I love you too mommy."

We arrived at Emersyn's day care five minutes later, and we both went in to pick her up.
"Hey Emmy!" I called and she ran over to me.
"Mommy!"
"Hey Em!"
"Hi Cadey."
"Come on guys. Let's go home." I said. We headed to the car, and I buckled Emersyn in, and Caden buckled himself in, and we headed home.
"Guys when we get home, please be quiet until we know whether Grayson is asleep, okay?"
"Okay." They chorused. When we arrived home, the kids unbuckled and bounded up the steps.
"Shh!" I called after them, and they immediately slowed their climb, and tip toed into the house, with me close behind. When I walked into the living room, I saw Grayson asleep on Tobin's chest, and Tobin slowly nodding off.
"Em! Cade!" I whisper yelled. "Take Lobo and go outside please."
"Okay. Cmon Lobo." Caden called. "Cmon Em."

Once the two kids were outside, I went over to Tobin and sat next to her on the couch. I wrapped my arms around her middle, and leaned my head on her shoulder.
"I'll take him to his room." I whispered in her ear. I picked up his fragile body, and laid him in his bed. When I went back into the living room, Tobin was asleep on the couch. I sat down next to her, and leaned my head on her shoulder. Before long, I realized we needed to make dinner and get the other kids ready for bed. I went outside and called them in, and told Emersyn to go wake up Tobin, gently. I watched as she climbed up into Tobin's lap, and whispered in her ear. Tobin slowly opened her eyes, and she wrapped Emersyn in a hug.
"I'm up Em. I'm up." She laughed and picked up Emmy and walked into the kitchen where Caden had set up his homework.
"Hey Cadey." Tobin rasped with her husky voice she got when she was tired or sick.
"Hi mama."
"What do you have for homework?"
"Math and I have to read a book tonight."
"What kinda math?"
"Adding two digit numbers."
"Do you understand it?" She asked as she grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge.
"Yeah it's easy."
"Okay that's good." She said and ruffled his hair, taking the seat across from him.

I finished making dinner, and Tobin helped serve the kids. Once dinner was eaten, and homework was done, we let the kids play outside for a little bit, and we sal on the hanging swing on the back porch. Tobin lay her head in my lap, and I stroked her hair, combing my fingers through it, smoothing out all the knots and tangles. We watched and smiled as Caden and Emersyn played on the play set together, laughing and smiling together. I felt Tobin roll onto her back, and she let out a small cough. I looked down at her questioningly , as if to ask if she was okay.
"I'm fine." She rasped.
"I believe you, but if you're not, it's necessary to not try and be tough like you do, because if Grayson gets sick, it's serious." I said with a hint of a warning tone.
"I know. I think it's just allergies, but I'll steer clear for a day to be safe."
"Sorry you don't feel well babe." I whispered in a comforting way, and she shifted so her head was in my chest, and I held her close to me. I planted a kiss to the top of her head, and continued to play with her hair. Soon after it began to get dark, so I called Emmy and Caden inside so I could give them baths, and Tobin groggily got up, and asked if I would mind if she went straight to bed. Of course I said no, and proceeded to get the kiddos into their beds before heading into my own, where Tobin lay there, still awake, yet half asleep. She must've felt the bed dip, because she instinctively moved over and wrapped her arms around my waist.
"Love you CP." she whispered.
"Love you too Tobin." I replied. "Sorry you don't feel well."
"I'll be fine." She groaned. "Just allergies."
"Okay baby. Try and sleep. I love you."

That next morning, I woke up to rn sound of the alarm, and Tobin opened one eye, and quickly closed it and buried herself closer into me.
"Morning Toby." I whispered.
"Morning." She husked.
"How you feeling?"
"I don't think it's allergies." She said to answer my question.
"I hate to make you do this, but you need to stay in bed and not leave. Grayson cannot get sick okay? I'm sorry Tobin. I'll take care of you though." I said with a weak smile.
"I know Chris. I know. Do your best, I'll be fine." She said with forced enthusiasm. "I love you."
"I love you too Tobs."
This was going to be interesting.

An: hi! Lemme know what you think !! Love you all goodnight!