Midnight Thoughts ✔

|33| Chances

Chances

☆☆☆

Lucas was my first love.

He was also the first one to break my heart.

But that was a high school unrequited love story.

---

I was 24 and it was my final year of degree. I had a few close friends named Alex, Brittany and Lucas.

Lucas.

I'd known Lucas since I was thirteen. He was one of my closest friends. Lucas was the Lucas.

-

"But Athena, I still don't get it. You're tall and pretty, and a nice person. Why don't you date? Girl, it's your final year!" Alex threw his hands in the air, trying to emphasize his point.

"And you've never had a boyfriend, right? It's about time you have one," Brittany commented, sipping on her drink.

I shrugged. "There's no point."

"What do you mean there's no point?" Lucas asked.

My eyes glanced at him before looking around, avoiding the three pairs of eyes that were currently scrutinizing my moves.

"We'll just end up breaking up. So why date in the first place?" I said.

Brittany snorted. "You never know if you never try. God, you even turned down Carter. Carter fucking Andrew. He's like one of the hottest guys in campus. He has the hots for you and you just brush him off."

She shook her head.

Then Alex snapped his fingers before narrowing his eyes at me. "Or...you're not straight?"

My quick reflex resulted in Alex getting hit in the head by my thick journal.

I glared at Alex as he groaned, rubbing his head furiously.

"Damn, woman. Keep your hands to yourself," Alex hissed.

"Shut up."

-

After we parted ways in the cafeteria, I headed back to my car at the parking lot. While they were all going back to their own classes, I had the rest of the day off so I decided to just sleep through it.

Almost getting to my car that was just a few cars away, I heard the sound of someone jogging behind me.

Lucas caught up with me, falling into step next to me.

"Wait, Athena. I have something to ask."

I looked at Lucas for a second before I continued walking until I reached my car.

"What is it?" I looked up at him, leaning against my car. I kept my face neutral.

"Well, I just wanna ask you something... Lucas said and mumbled, "...about the dates."

I raised my eyebrows in confusion.

"Dates?"

Lucas leaned against the car next to mine, putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Yeah, dates. The dinners every week," Lucas said simply.

But I knew Lucas better than anyone did. He was nervous. He kept blinking and avoiding my eyes. The way he spoke was changing too.

"The dinners every week... You mean, they were dates?" My eyes went wide. This I didn't expect at all from him.

Lucas had been taking me to dinners every week ever since he transferred here four years ago, just a month after I came here. We were the only ones from the same high school who came here so we became very close friends fast.

He had always been taking care of me like I was a fragile child. I could only return the same favor. He was like a best friend to me; the one I could always rely on and trust, the one who only knew me too well.

Lucas frowned. "Yes they were. How could you not realize it?"

I blinked. "Well, I thought, I mean, um, I thought they were...just dinners. Casual dinners. What...what are you talking about?"

Lucas took a step forward, his eyes staring down at mine with such intensity that still could make my heart race...even after all these years.

"Athena," he breathed. "I thought it was obvious. Why...why are you being like this? God!" He exhaled loudly, his fingers running through his hair in exasperation.

I shook my head a little. "No, why are you being like this?"

His eyes stared into mine again. "Those dinners I've been taking you toㅡthey were dates. They've always been dates to me."

I held my breath.

He took a deep breath. "Athena, I know you've turned down quite a number of men since four years ago. But please give me a chance. I have... I..."

I shook my head in denial, my eyes welling up.

This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. Please just shut up. Somebody, shut him up!

"I have feelings for you, Athena. Can't you see?" He looked at me again with pleading eyes.

My breathing was suddenly fast. I leaned as far back as I could against the car. I felt suffocated. I felt claustrophobic.

My vision was changing.

"Lucas, I like you."

"Lucas, I'm sorry for being such a bother."

"I'm sorry, Athena."

"Look, Athena, I just don't feel the same way. I'm sorry."

I cried myself to sleep most of the nights, feeling miserable and sad. I met him in dreams. I met him in reality. I cried again.

Tears. Tears. Tears.

Everywhere.

The shattering sound of a broken heart being smashed to smaller pieces.

I cried again and again and again.

He scarred me. No, he scarred me.

Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.

Love yourself.

Athena, you gotta love yourself.

My eyes snapped open only to be met with Lucas's worried ones.

Only now I realized that I had been crying. I tried to catch my breath.

"Athena, are youㅡ"

"I'm fine." I calmed my breathing. "I'm fine. I need to go."

Screw my teary eyes. I unlocked the doors using the remote and opened the door.

"Wait, Athena."

"No!" I turned to look at him with blazing eyes. I bit down on my lip hard before saying, "You had your endless chances long time ago."

My voice croaked. "And you wasted all of them."

I climbed into my car, wiping the tears off and drove off, leaving Lucas standing alone in the parking lot.

---

Lucas was my first love.

He was also the first one to break my heart.

But that was a high school unrequited love story.

For now, we stayed as we were.

Close friends.