I sat on the edge of the bed facing the wall with Shawn sat behind me facing the opposite direction. My head was placed in my hands.
"Baby..." He trailed. "Please, I love you" he breathed. I tightly shut my eyes and breathed in deeply.
"I know. Believe me I know and I love you too but this is not me. I'm not born for this lifestyle. I cannot deal with this" I sighed.
"I know, and neither was I but I adapted and I want you too" I shook my head and the bed lifted signalling he had changed his seating. He appeared in front of me and I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
"Please" he chocked grasping a hold of my hands and holding them close to him. He placed kiss on them. "Please"
"I can't. I'm sorry" tears trickled out of my eyes. His face softened even more as he pulled me into a bone crushing hug. He hushed me and rubbed my back as my tears soaked through his t-shirt. My shoulder shook viciously as I continuously tried to catch my breath.
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I pulled away and wiped my tears. I stood up and headed to the closet and started to pack my things. I turned and Shawn's as stood in the door way crying. That's the sound of my heart smashing into millions of teeny, tiny pieces. I grabbed the bag and headed towards him.
This time, it was me holding Shawn. He was fragile as was I but I couldn't help feel selfish. I thought back through all the times we have supported each other and the promises we made to each other.
"Shawn, I'm scared." I trembled as he took my hand and lead me on to the carpet. This was our first time ever being together in public.
"I know, baby, I got you" he whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me to take pictures. "But if it gets a little too much, let me know and I'll support you through it; like I will with everything else which comes our way"
He let out a shaky breath as he recollected himself. He shook his head and backed away a little.
"I should be the strong one here. I should be the one holding you, I know it's difficult for both of us. I can see it in your eyes. I should be the one trying to win you back not crying my eyes out like a little girl" he huffed and he sat back onto the bed.
"Shawn, I'm sorry but I can't. You always said that you would support me through whatever." I grasped his hands. "So now, I need you to support me. Although it hurts, it's best. I love you always remember that. You will always be my first love but now I'm asking you to move on. I don't want you hurting"
"How can I move on when I'm losing the person I care for and love most"
"Shawn-"
"No don't! Don't Shawn me. If you really cared you wouldn't be leaving me over some petty hate comments by girls who are obviously jealous and obsessed with me." He shouted. I furrowed my eyebrows and bit my lip to prevent me from crying.
"I don't want you to lose your fans"
"I would rather lose some fans than you, y/n, for gods sake don't you see. I love you with all my freaking heart and now your fucking me over because you can't handle a bit of name calling"
"Shawn, you know it's not just the hate. It's the not being able to see you when you're on tour, working the late days so when you come home I'm asleep and when I wake up you're gone. It's everything Shawn!" I closed my eyes. "I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry" he sat still on the bed. He was almost subconscious as if the ability to move had all been sucked out from him.
I headed over to him and placed my hand on his cheek before placing a kiss on his head. A year dropped on to his hair as on rested my chin on his head. He pulled my face towards and pressed a passionate yet gentle kiss on my lips before embracing me in a hug. He finally let go and I picked up my bag heading to the door with Shawn following behind.
As I pulled open the door the cool, Autumn wind rushed through my hair and into the apartment. I turned to Shawn and wiped his years with the pad of my thumb as I cupped his cheek. I pressed a quick likes to his lips.
"Just let time takes it trial and if it's meant to be fate will pull us back together." I choked back the tears. I hardly ever seen Shawn cry. He nodded and I mouth a quick 'I will always love you' to him before disappearing into the beautiful orange and brown scenery.
