Shawn Mendes Imagines

177- Does She Know

Inspired by Does She Know by Astrid S

My sneaker-clad feed shuffled along the snow covered roads as I made my way to Shawn's house. My coat and scarf was tightly bundled close to my body as the cold, wintery wind pushed its way against me caused by cars racing past.

I only wanna see her.

My thoughts were loud and causing chaos inside my head as I slowly approached the oh-so similar pathway which led me straight up the steps to his front door. Raising my hand, I knocked gently on his door and pondered whether I should run or stand my ground.

"y/n," he beamed as he saw me. "Come in. What are you doing out? It's cold outside." He trapped my hands in his and blew hot air onto them in. I looked around, trying my hardest to avoid his soft caramel eyes; that have me falling from my felt every time.

I'm not his only.

I snatched my hands away and stuffed them inside my pockets. His eyebrows furrowed and he repeated my name.

"I can't keep doing this, Shawn." I mumbled and shuffled on my feet.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I can't keep being that girl" I spoke with a slightly harsher tone.

"y/n, I don't understand what you're talking about?"

"I can't keep being the girl you call when you're lonely or the girl you call when she's not around." I paused. "I'm tired of being the girl you call only when you want her"

"It's not like that-"

"But it is Shawn." I snapped. My tone different from his soft, casual one. "She's your girlfriend and I'm just someone you sleep around with."

"No you're not." He said.

"Well, what am I then, huh?" The tension in the room as the question was left hanging in the room.

I studied Shawn's features. His sharp jawline was set in place and his eyes were boring into mine as the clogs in his head turned to think of an answer.

"Exactly my point." I mumbled, looking down at my feet. The tears burned my eyes as Shawn moved closer to me. He placed his hand on my cheek and lifted my head.

"You know you mean so much to me. You've been here since the start, you'll always have a special place in my heart." They fell; the tears.

"But it's not fair." I cried. "It's not fair on me and most certainly not fair on her. Shawn, we both love you so much and for some reason, you have us both hanging by threads on the tips of your fingers. And any minute now one of us could slip from your drop and become completely shattered- and I don't want that to be me."

"y/n-"

"I would rather break myself than be broken by someone else."

"y/n please."

"No Shawn, I can't keep living like this. It's me or her. I don't want to keep us a secret anymore cause it hurts biting my tongue. If you don't tell her I will."

"I choose you." He said slightly exasperated. "I will always choose you."

He pressed his lips against mine and slowly pulled my jacket from my body as my clothes scattered around the room.  I savoured the feeling of our lips pressed together and slowly he lifted me so my thoughts were wrapped around his torso. In that moment, I forgot everything that had previously happened and realised all I wanted was to be close to Shawn- even if I wasn't the only one.

"Does she know?"

"She doesn't have to"

This was so shit, I'm actually hella disappointed in how the turned out but I felt like I had to update cause I hadn't updated in a while.