Shawn Mendes Imagines

102- Giving

I brushed my thumb against her soft, chubby cheeks as she lay peacefully in my arms. I let out a heavy sigh and my vision became blurry.

After hours of pain, screaming, crying and pushing I was finally holding my baby girl in my arms yet she wasn't exactly mine.

I didn't want this to happen, it was too sooner. I wanted to keep her inside of me for as long as possible with the possibility of never letting her go but she had to come out eventually.

Shawn was sound asleep in the change besides my bed and I quickly wiped my tears with the hospital gown. Her previous little eyes would no longer glare up into mine, her petite hands would no longer wrap around my smallest finger, her short screams would never wake me through the night and I would never get to see her grow into the young, beautiful lady I know she'll become.

The smallest knock of the door alerted my attention and the midwife Carrie walked through quickly followed by a eager yet hesitant couple.

"y/n, this is Linda and Terry. Guys this is y/n and Shawn" Shawn suddenly awoke from his slumber and stood up quickly shaking the hands of the couple. "It's time for you to hand her over now" I visibly gulped and held back the tears.

I nodded. "Can we have a couple more minutes, alone with her?" I asked, my voice frail. They all nodded and quickly headed out. A tear rolled down my cheek as I continued to caress her soft, pale skin. Her eyes fluttered open and although she wouldn't see properly I continued to talk to her.

"Hey baby, I'm y/n your mommy and this is Shawn your daddy and we love you so much" I started to cry a little and Shawn wrapped his arm supportively around my shoulders. "And I'm about to make the worst decision of my life and I wish I could turn back the clocks so that I had more time with you and I wish I had never signed those stupid papers but you never get anything you wish for." I wiped my tears. "But I hope you do. I hope they give you everything that I could never give you and I'm so sorry" I bit my lip hard in attempt to stop the tears from falling but it was no use.

Shawn repeatedly rubbed my arm and cooed sweet nothing into my ear but I didn't care. All I wanted was my baby. I just gazed at her for the rest of the time we had together and the midwife walked into the room again.

"I'm sorry but I have to take your baby." I let out a sob and kissed her head gently as did Shawn. The couple came into the room as happy as hell whilst I tried to consume my anger and sadness. I placed on her little woven cardigan and placed her in the car seat which the couple had provided.

"I love you, and I promise I'll visit you as often as I can and I'll buy you gifts and I'll sing you lullabies and I'll never forget that I gave birth to such a beautiful, wonderful baby girl." I wiped my nose and sniffled a little as Terry and Linda sent apologetic smiles at me and Shawn. Shawn said his goodbyes and they picked up the car seat.

Shawn supportively wrapped her arm around my waist and we watched them as they disappeared with our child. He cuddled me in once they had gone and I sobbed into his shirt, I fisted the back of it pulling us closer together and he sniffled slightly as well.

"I'm sorry I made you do this" he cried slightly.

"You didn't make me do anything" I smiled slightly and he continued to hug me till we were released from the hospital.