Chapter 27

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The biggest secret I've had to keep was that I was pregnant.


It wasn't meant to stay a secret forever.


I knew I would grow and that people would start to notice a bump.


Eventually, I'd have the baby and then there would be no way I could hide it.


He mouthed, "What?"


"I found out I was pregnant in the end of grade 9."


The biggest secret, but would have been the greatest gift.


"I miscarried at 16 weeks," I told him. "I noticed blood and I was told I lost the baby."


"I'm sorry, Mais."


I would have been a good mom.


I'd be a different mother compared to my own.


"I decided I would keep the baby after my 8 week scan. I heard the heartbeat for the first time and I just knew I couldn't go through with abortion." I smiled weakly at the bittersweet memory. "After I miscarried I was told it was a girl—-I had a sneaky suspicion all along. ---I would have these dreams of mansions with only closets of pink clothes." I cleared my throat. "I was going to name her Scarlett Rain Brooks."


"It's a beautiful name, Mais."


The worst feeling in the world is knowing your miscarrying and there's nothing you can do to save your baby.


I was devastated.


I hated that my body was failing.


I hated my body.


"I never told anyone about Scarlett. It was a secret I knew I had to keep, because I was worried that if people knew, they'd take her away from me. I didn't want a repeat of what happened to my dad."


It was always my greatest fear.


I didn't want them to take one look at my age and find a million reasons why Scarlett deserved better.


I wanted to be the one who showed her why I deserved to be her mother.


"How'd you manage to keep it a secret?" Levi began stroking my hair absentmindly.


"I didn't have a big baby bump so that made it easier to cover up. And I always wore baggy clothes—-my pre-pregnancy style as well so there was never any reason for people to speculate." I admitted. "It worked out perfectly."

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