Always And Forever

Chapter 56

No talk, let's jump right into the chapter 😁
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[KIRAN POV]

"Kiran....baby please...open the door and tell me what's wrong. Did I do something wrong again?"

Roman was standing on the other side of the bathroom door, knocking and waiting for me to come out. I sat at the edge of the tub, trying to stop crying but it wasn't really working out. I thought everything was okay between us. I had wholeheartedly forgiven Roman for everything because I loved him. So what was all this? Why couldn't I go through having sex with him? Every touch, every kiss brought on flashbacks from that night. It had just gotten too much for me to handle and I had to stop.

"Kiran....I need you to open the door so we can talk. If you don't want to have sex, we won't have sex. Just come on out so I can talk to you."

I didn't know what I was going to tell Roman. I didn't want to tell him that I was having thoughts of him attacking me while we were having sex, he would be crushed. I didn't want him beating himself up for something we already both worked so hard to overcome. It was just something I had to overlook on my own and try to be normal around him. I went up in front of the mirror with a tissue and cleaned off the makeup that had run down my eyes before stepping back out. Roman was standing right in front of the door with his hair tied back in a man bun and had his brows raised with worry.

I tried walking past him but he swung an arm around my waist and pulled me back in front of him.

"And where do you think you're going, ma'am?......c'mon, you can tell me what's wrong. If it's something bad, I won't get mad, I promise."

"It's fine, I'm okay now." I sniffled and tried keeping my eyes out of Roman's. He lifted my chin up  with his finger so I was looking straight at him.

"Girl, you gotta lie better than that. Please just tell me what's bothering you so I can help you....do you want me to call Dean for you? Will that help?"

I shook my head and just went ahead and sat back down at the edge of the bed. Roman walked over and sat down next to me, waiting for me to say something.

"I'm sorry for running off like that...I'm fine...I promise."

"But I need to know why. You wouldn't just run off like that and start crying out of nowhere. Tell me whatever's on your mind. I'm listening."

"I just felt like we were doing too much too soon." I half-lied.

"Okay, like I said, we can take it down a notch. I thought you wanted to have sex, that's why I was doing all that and—oh.....I get it."

[ROMAN POV]
Kiran was quietly looking at me. I realized why she had gotten uncomfortable and went off. Everything I was doing to her took her back to that night. Because of me, she was reminded of what I had done to her. It wasn't my intention at all but I felt like crap. Ultimately, I deserved this, it wasn't even Kiran's fault that she was having these thoughts and feelings. I take responsibility for them and the only thing I could do was just reassure her that everything was okay.

"What happened?" Kiran looked up into my eyes.

"You didn't want to have sex because of what I did before, right? It brought back memories of that night.....I'm so sorry Kiran, I should have slowed down and ask you if you're okay....in the heat of the moment and the fact that I had a couple of drinks, I didn't consider your feelings. " I pulled her in and kissed the top of her head.

"No, Roman. You already apologized before. This isn't your fault. I'm the one who agreed to have sex with you sooner than I was ready. Don't blame yourself for it."