Threes a crowd. - Now Complete.

Part 17

Jane let herself in just as Paul was coming down the stairs after putting Mary down for her afternoon nap.

"Hello love!" He greeted her with a smile,having thoroughly enjoyed his time with Mary, "You're back early! I thought you were spending the whole day with your mum?"

"I'd had enough." she told him, dropping her keys on the hall table. "Where's Mary?"

"I've just put her down for her nap." Paul smiled, "We've had a nice time playing, then lunch and now nap time. What about you?"

"Yes, it was OK." She paused. "I know you spoke to mum, she told me so can you and me talk Paul? Now, whilst Mary's asleep?"

"Sure." He let her pass him, "I'll make us both a drink then come and join you in the living room."

"Thanks."

Paul walked into the kitchen feeling quite chirpy. He'd hope that seeing her mum might make Jane open up, that's why he was so willing to talk now. After asking Rose to keep and ear for Mary so he and Jane could talk, he took two drinks to the living room. Rose watched him go, hoping it would help the couple who were very obviously having problems.

Jane was stood by the window, looking out in to the garden. A blanket had been spread across the grass and toys were strewn across it. Clearly Paul and Mary had been playing that morning.

"Cup of tea here Jane love."

She turned and waited before seeing where he sat down then joined him on the sofa. 

"Thanks for this Paul."

He smiled at her. "Good time with your mum?"

She nodded. "It was nice but it felt weird not having Mary with me!" She took a sip from the cup and then placed it on the table. "It's Mary I wanted to talk about."

"Oh?"

"You look as if you've enjoyed being with her."

"Definitely!" He grinned, "We've had a lot of fun!"

She smiled. "I'm glad you feel like that because I want to go back to work Paul."

"WHAT?"

"Work. You know, acting, like I did before we got married."

"But I thought that now we are married and we've got Mary, we'd focus on building our family instead."

"NO!"

"Why?"

"Paul, I'm twenty one years old. I love Mary, I do but...." she stopped.

"But what?"

"If I could turn back time and avoid getting pregnant,  then I would!" She looked at his shocked expression, "I'm sorry if this shocks you Paul, but it's true. I'm bored at home all day. Really bored. I do love Mary but I need time away from her too. Today has especially shown me this. If I did some short acting jobs then it would be a ideal way of balancing motherhood and my own life."

"But Mary needs her mum!"

"No Paul, she doesn't!" Jane argued, "You've shown that today! She needs someone who is happy and loves her! That could be you, me Rose or a nanny!"

"No way!" Paul was adamant, "We're not having a nanny!!"

"Why? Ringo and Maureen do!"

"I don't want you to work Jane! It's not like we need the money is it!" He paused, "I always imagined we'd have more children whist we were young enough to enjoy them!"

"NO!" she stood up, "There will be no more babies! EVER Paul!"

He stopped short. "Why?"

Jane shook her head. "Forget it. Just forget it OK. You never listen!" She turned to leave the room.

He took her hand. "Jane please love. Look, I don't want to fight. You and me, we've not been right since Mary was born. Why don't we sit down and talk calmly from the beginning."

"And you'll listen? Actually listen to what I have to say?" She looked at him, "I mean it Paul. You need to let me speak and you listen. Don't just shout me down just because you disagree!"

He nodded. "I will. I promise." He told her quietly, "I'm scared for you and me Jane. I don't know you anymore!"

He sat down on the sofa and once more she joined him. She took his hand and squeezed it. 

"I'm going to start from the beginning but I need you to JUST listen!"

"I will."

"Right.... when I found out I was pregnant Paul, I was devastated! And I mean devastated!" she looked at him and took his hand. "I love you but if I could have ended the pregnancy legally, I would have done! Not because I don't love our daughter, I do, very much but I didn't feel ready to have children. I still don't!"

"But you're an amazing mum. Mary's eyes light up when she see's you!"

She shushed him. "You said you'd listen!"

"Sorry."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, she couldn't help but smile. 

"Mary's birth was the most horrible experience of my life Paul. It was embarressing, degrading....and pain like you can't imagine!" she wiped a tear away, "I can't go through that ever again Paul.... I just can't! I'm sorry but that's why I keep avoiding being close with you! And then the other night... when you stormed off then came back and described that woman.....I thought I'd lost you forever."

He took her hand. "Look at me love."  She raised her eyes to him. "Let me get this straight ...you've been pushing me away because you're scared of getting pregnant again?"

She nodded, tears rolling down her face. "I love you though...and I want to be with you but..."

"You're scared."

"Yes."

"But I thought you'd gone back on the pill now?"

She nodded. "I have but Paul, I was taking it when Mary happened!"

"Because there was an accidental break! Up until then love, you'd been fine for over two years! At least, you seemed to be. You never said any different."

"I was." She looked sad, "But now, I just don't feel like I can trust it. I want to ...really want to because I do love you so much but..."

"Oh Jane my love, " he pulled her into a hug, "I'm so glad you've told me what has been so very wrong!" He gave a shaky laugh, "I thought you hated me!"

"I could never hate you Paul!" Jane began to sob in his arms, "I love you so much I just don't want to be afraid of being with you."

"That we can deal with," he whispered, "As long as you and me are strong, we can deal with anything!"

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