Prison Diary

Welcome To Feelings

Month: June Day:19 Year: 2090

Time: 6:10

Dear Prison Diary,

I had to tell her that. I had to tell her even though the look on her face killed me, even though I hurt her feelings...her stupid feelings...

What was I supposed to do?

She was beginning to ask questions, lots of them.

Questions that I was afraid to answer because I already knew the truth. I knew the truth but she didn't.

What was the truth?

The truth was that kiss, that fiery, passionate, wonderful kiss did something to me. It meant more to me than she could have ever known.

I didn't kiss Avalon because I could or just to say thank you...

I kissed her because I wanted to kiss her.

I wanted to kiss her and as much as it irked me to say it, I wanted to do it again...and again...and again.

Her lips were warm and inviting and almost addicting. When my lips touched hers all I felt was something amazing. That something made me press my lips harder and harder onto hers almost as if I needed more.

I didn't ask to kiss her, I did it and when I felt her begin to press her lips back onto mine it was the most scariest thing in the world. Also the most wonderful. I knew that she was probably asking a million questions in her head but I hoped that she would just let her head shut up for a few minutes and just let it happen.

And she did.

When I pulled away all I saw was Avalon's face completely flushed from the neck up. She was staring at me in disbelief with those big doe like eyes. She panted, breathing hard through her swollen lips that were completely touched by mine.

She really was an Angel, that was for sure.

Who else do you know that would give up their freedom for someone else's?

No one.

Only her.

Still this wasn't the reason why I did what I did, of course I was happy and grateful for what she did. It was truly heroic and brave of her but I could have easily given her a hug or a simply peck on the cheek.

Matter of fact, why didn't I just do that?

Stupid me.

I could feel her gaze on me as I looked down at my hands in my lap. When I looked up her eyes were anything but friendly. They were burning with anger and hurt and mines were probably plagued with guilt but not regret. I didn't regret hurting her feelings even though I cared about her. I realized that a few days ago, I did care about her and obviously she cared about me. I had to hurt her feelings though, I had to make her think that I felt nothing because if she knew I felt something.

If she knew I felt amazing,

Everything would change...

When everything changes things come crumbling down. I'd get confused, she'd get confused, and sooner or later someone gets hurt...

I'd rather hurt her now while she still cant stand me, while she still cant look me in the eye without turning the other way...

Then hurt her while she trusts me with her stupid feelings...

God, I hated feelings, especially the good ones because they never last. This girl was making me feel...a lot. Every moment I was with her I felt something. Whether it be passion, anger, annoyance, happiness, sadness, vulnerability...