the book of fluff (that usually isn't)

"'cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind"

part twooooooooooo

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a bit of language sorry folks

Mitch refused to leave Scott's side, and the paramedics didn't have the heart to make him. They allowed the small boy to sit with Scott in the ambulance, but eventually they had to draw the line when they had to take Scott back to get more blood.

"Please don't make me leave him," Mitch sobbed, clutching desperately onto Scott's unmoving hand. "Please." The head paramedic sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, sir, but we have to. I promise you'll be the first to know if he makes any improvements." Or declines. Mitch sobbed and held tighter. "No! I can't leave him, he- he'll leave me." The last two words were nothing but sobs.

The head paramedic smiled sadly and tried to gently pry Mitch's fingers off of Scott's hand. "He has a lesser chance of survival every second we're arguing with you," he said softly, and Mitch let go instantly, wrapping his arms around himself and sobbing. The head paramedic smiled sadly again and turned away from him, leading Scott away with the other paramedics.

Mitch sobbed again as they left, but stuffed his hand in his mouth to keep silent, shakily sinking to sit in a chair in the waiting room. Tears continued to stream quickly down his cheeks, faster and faster as his brain thought of all the things that could possibly go wrong.

He's going to die. Oh my God, he's going to die.

But he can't die! I love him!

Death doesn't care. He'll die without knowing.

Back and forth and back and forth this went for hours. Gradually, all the others in the waiting room left, but Mitch stayed. He was tired, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep without Scott.

"Is there anyone here for Scott Hoying?" a voice ripped through Mitch's thoughts, and he scrambled to stand, nodding frantically. "Is he okay?" he asked immediately. The doctor remained emotionless, not answering the question. "What is your relation to the patient?" he asked, and Mitch sobbed quietly, trying and failing to wipe his tears. "B-Boyfriend." The doctor nodded, softening a bit. "Come."

Mitch followed the doctor through the halls of the hospital, holding himself tightly and crying softly. His heart beat rapidly in his chest with nerves.

"It appears as though you found Scott just in time. If he had been bleeding any longer, it would've killed him. Luckily, we've managed to give him the correct amount of blood. He's okay now, but please keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't try this again."

Mitch nodded vigorously, bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet. "Can I see him?" The doctor smiled and nodded, and Mitch was inside before he could say anything more.

Scott turned his head at the sound of the door opening, blinking sleepily. As soon as Mitch laid eyes on him, he sobbed quietly and rushed to his side, throwing his arms around him. "Oh my God, Scott, don't do that," he sobbed, clutching onto him tightly and crawling into the bed with him. "I'm sorry," Scott whispered, the voice already starting to hiss again, but Mitch simply shook his head and laid down on top of him. "I thought I'd lost you," he whimpered, curling up and tucking his head in Scott's neck.

Scott didn't say anything, but slowly wrapped his arms around Mitch, holding him gently. "I'm sorry," he repeated eventually. Mitch just shook his head again and leaned up to kiss him.

Scott kissed back weakly, trying his best to ignore the voice still hissing in his ear. He didn't want Mitch to know why he had tried to commit suicide. Then he would worry.

As soon as Mitch pulled away, he made a small noise and clutched tighter onto Scott, half-worried someone would try to take him away. Scott closed his eyes and shakily held him closer, burying his face in Mitch's hair.

"I love you, Scott," Mitch whispered suddenly, holding onto him tighter. "I... I was so scared I wouldn't get to tell you." Scott's heart skipped a beat and he forced his eyes open, peeking down at him. "You- You do?" he croaked, but soon flinched as the voice started speaking again. He's lying. No one could ever love you. Mitch didn't notice the flinch, squeezing his own eyes shut and nodding against Scott's chest. "Yes," he whimpered, "I love you so much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't lose you but when I f-found you I th-thought I did and—" He cut off with a loud sob, curling up and burying his face in Scott's neck. "I love you," he whispered.

Scott didn't know what to do. He loved Mitch back, more than anything, but the voice kept telling him Mitch was lying and he didn't want to say anything and then have Mitch leave him. Because, godd*mnit, they always did.

Mitch sobbed pathetically and clutched onto him tighter, terrified Scott hated him. "Please say something... I'm sorry..." Scott hesitated for a long time, pulling Mitch closer, before he finally whispered a small, "I love you too." Mitch sobbed with relief and curled up tighter, opening his eyes and peeking up at Scott. "I was so scared you were going to make me leave," he whispered, his voice breaking, and Scott slowly shook his head. "I love you," he repeated, and Mitch smiled through his tears, laughing weakly. "I love you too, babe."

And the voice fell silent.