the book of fluff (that usually isn't)

one last time

back to the one-shots i wrote at camp until i finish copying them lol

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Scott wished he took advantage of the brief period he dated Mitch more. He was forgetting what his lips tasted like, what they felt like, soft and warm against his own. In all honesty, Scott never fell out of love with Mitch. Sure, he broke his heart, but he was just too intoxicating. Mitch could explicitly tell Scott that he had no desire to be around him anymore, and still, Scott would think about him every moment of every day.

Scott knew that Mitch didn't like him romantically. He was okay with that. Well, not okay, but he was just happy Mitch still wanted him in his life. He savored the cuddle sessions they shared, and the sloppy kisses Mitch gave him when he was drunk and horny and Scott was the only one around. While it hurt that Mitch would usually leave Scott's bedroom before he could wake up and act distantly for the rest of the day, the memory of Mitch moaning underneath him tended to make up for it.

Honestly, Scott didn't know if he and Mitch were best friends anymore. They were more friends with benefits, friends who occasionally hooked up because the sex was amazing. That's what Scott thought, anyway. God, Mitch could do things to him that no other man ever could before.

Scott missed being able to call Mitch his. He missed making out in the library, adrenaline pumping in fear of discovery. He missed the cuddling and the kisses and the endless laughs they shared together. He remembered the feeling like his heart shattered when Mitch told him he didn't want him anymore. He waited to cry until after Mitch left.

Scott would do it all over again in a heartbeat. If he could have just been a bit better, good enough, then maybe Mitch wouldn't have dumped him. Maybe they would still be together to this day. Maybe Scott wouldn't feel that suffocating pain that he always felt in his chest whenever Mitch brought a boy home and he could hear their moans through the wall.

Constantly, Scott wondered why. He wondered why Mitch dumped him. He wondered why Mitch had ever been his boyfriend if he knew he didn't have plans to be with Scott romantically in the future. He wondered why, after all these years, he still hadn't gotten over him.

At the moment, Scott was curled in bed with tears streaming down his cheeks. His mind was loud, replaying every moment he spent with Mitch and wondering what he did wrong. If he'd been more muscular, maybe Mitch wouldn't have dumped him. If he'd been funnier, smarter, nicer, prettier, better, maybe Mitch would still be his.

"Hey, Scotty, do you want to go dancing tonight?" Mitch asked suddenly, coming into Scott's room before he could react. Scott jumped and quickly covered his face as well as he could, not wanting Mitch to see his tears. "No," he croaked, wincing at his voice. Mitch frowned slightly and tilted his head. "No? You're always down to go dancing. Maybe you'll meet someone," he teased, but that just made Scott feel worse. "I don't want to meet someone," he snapped hoarsely, curling up tightly. Mitch's eyes widened in surprise, and he crossed his arms over his chest, ready to give Scott a piece of his mind. However, before he could, he noticed Scott's tears and the anger faded. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just don't feel like having random guys grinding on me right now."

"No, Scott. You're crying. What's wrong?"

Scott closed his eyes against his tears and buried his face in his pillow, remaining silent. Mitch frowned and sat down beside him, setting his hand on his thigh. "You know you can talk to me..."

Scott didn't know what came over him, but his big, fat mouth just had to ruin everything. "I'm still in love with you," he said quietly, avoiding Mitch's eyes. Mitch's eyes widened and he took his hand away. "What?" Scott sniffled and curled up tightly, wishing he could disappear. "I'm still in love with you. I've been in love with you for seven years. I tried to get over you, but I can't. I'm just- I'm just wondering what I did wrong," he whispered, his voice breaking on the last word. Mitch softened despite himself, and he scooted towards Scott to cup his cheek. "It wasn't you, Scott. I-..." He sighed, not knowing what to say. "Let's just go clubbing, okay?"

"You can go," Scott whispered, turning away from him. "I don't want to." Mitch sighed again and stared at his hands. He suddenly didn't want to go dancing anymore. "I'm not going to leave you alone," he murmured. Scott didn't reply, simply pulling the covers over his head. Mitch pressed his lips together and tried to think of what to do. "Scott?" Scott sniffled and peeked out at him, so only his eyes were visible. Mitch hesitated briefly before he pulled the covers down and kissed him.

+++

Scott woke up to the rustle of sheets and warmth leaving him. He whimpered and opened his eyes to see Mitch gathering his clothes, and normally he would've let him, but now he was desperate. "Don't go." Mitch jumped slightly and turned to look at him, offering a lopsided smile. "You don't usually wake up," he said quietly, awkwardly holding his clothes over his naked body. Scott whimpered softly and reached for him, tears forming in his eyes. "Please stay. Just this once."

"Scott..."

"I know. I know you don't love me back anymore. I just need you. Please."

Mitch hesitated, and Scott scrambled to convince him. "Whenever you let me make love to you, I feel like I'm flying. I've tried so hard to get over you, but you're just so... intoxicating. With every touch, I just crave more and more until I'm completely consumed with the need to be around you and touch you and hear your breathing and I... I know I'm selfish. I know, and I'm sorry, but please stay with me. One last time, and I swear I'll move on." Mitch sighed, but Scott just looked so pathetic and sad, and he knew he couldn't say no. He slowly laid back down, and Scott breathed out a thank you as he cuddled up to him. Mitch draped his arm over Scott's shoulders and closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to wander.

It hurt Mitch to see Scott like this. A man so big and strong, practically crying in his arms all because of him. The truth was Mitch didn't know how he felt about Scott anymore. If he was being honest, he missed belonging to Scott. Scott was the sweetest boyfriend he'd ever had, constantly showering him with compliments and giving him presents and cuddling him. All of the others just wanted him for sex. Even when he was being fucked into the mattress by some random guy, Mitch couldn't help but compare him to Scott.

Truly, Mitch didn't want to be in love with Scott. He was scared he'd beak his heart again, so he tried to distance himself, but he ended up naked in Scott's bed after wild sex. Still, even when Scott was inside of him and making him see stars, he was so gentle and careful not to hurt him.

Mitch missed Scott so much. He was scared, terrified, but he knew he had no right to be. Scott wasn't the selfish one. He was.

Mitch sighed and closed his eyes, running his fingers through Scott's hair. The taller boy had latched onto him, his face buried in his chest and his arm draped loosely over his waist. Mitch didn't feel trapped like he did in the other men's arms. He felt safe, loved. Mitch wanted to tell Scott he loved him too, but he'd fallen asleep, and he didn't want to disturb him. He pressed a kiss to Scott's forehead and let his lips linger, savoring the feeling of him safely in his arms. "I love you," he whispered, and finally, he allowed himself to sleep.