the book of fluff (that usually isn't)

dirty

so i didn't really want to post this but i felt bad for leaving you guys hanging for two months so here. i know it's kind of specific so i'll just say it's loosely based off of my own experiences.

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trigger warning: anorexia, sexual harassment, depression, self-harm, mentions of binge eating, verbal abuse, mentions of rape, panic attack

Mitch had had an eating disorder for about two years when he learned about ana coaches. It was a night where his depression was very bad, and in a fruitless attempt to fill the hole in his chest, he'd eaten half a jar of Nutella, a box of Oreos, and quite a few Cheez-its. When he realized what he'd done, he just felt numb. This was why he'd never be skinny.

His hands shaking, he cleaned up the remains of the food and opened up Google. "How to stop eating." He obsessively read the search results, his free hand scratching at his thighs, as he searched desperately for an answer. In two years, he'd only lost seven pounds. Wasn't that pathetic? A combination of attempted recovery and binges had brought him up to his starting weight and sometimes even more numerous times. He got to his lowest weight months ago, but then a binge weekend ruined that, and here he was again. He was so scared to weigh himself in the morning.

His heart skipped a beat when he caught sight of those words. What was an "ana coach"? Could one help him?

He skimmed through the article as quickly as he could. They sounded really helpful, and he knew he needed someone to be mean to him and remind him why he was doing this if he actually wanted to succeed. He exited out of his browser and downloaded Kik, one of the apps the article mentioned to have these "coaches."

It wasn't long before he'd created an account and found one of the groups he was looking for. His heart was pounding as he clicked the "Join" button, and immediately, a message popped up, the rules of the chat. He sighed shakily and swallowed hard, beginning to type out his stats like he was asked.

mitch: hi, i'm mitch, i'm a male omega, and i'm 5'6". my starting weight was 120 lbs, my current weight is 113 lbs, and my goal weight is 100 lbs for now but i might have to lower it

He furrowed his brows when he got the notification for a message, and he hesitantly exited the chat to see someone had messaged him.

The Ana Coach: Can you verify with me please?

Mitch was confused. He didn't know what that meant.

mitch: sorry, i'm new here, what does verify mean?

The Ana Coach: Send a selfie with the kik camera of you touching your cheek.

Mitch hesitated. He was uncertain about revealing his face to a stranger he'd just met, but they were in a private chat, so he obeyed. He winced at how ugly he looked.

The Ana Coach: Perfect, thank you
The Ana Coach: You said you're an omega?

mitch: yes

The Ana Coach: Are you looking for a coach

mitch: yes please

The Ana Coach: Send me a body check and I'll consider coaching you

Mitch hesitated, but he slipped into the bathroom and took a picture of himself in the mirror, making sure to hide his face. He winced at the sight of his body. He looked so ugly in his t-shirt and leggings, no wonder Scott didn't want him. He hardly dared to breathe when the letter beside the picture changed from a 'D' to an 'R' and the words "The Ana Coach is typing..." appeared at the top of the screen.