We Broke Up

{ ENTRY 20 • Soulmates }

Attn: Believe me when I say that this Entry is the hardest and most intense chapter that I wrote to date since WBU started. More difficult than BrentLy's break up. Naaning ako, promise. x

From: Brent Harper Sue-Chien <bh.suechien@maplegroup.com>
To: Anneliese Margaux Sue-Chien <lilymargaux@aromacafe.com>
Subject: Annulment Process
___________________________________

I have received the annulment papers your lawyer have sent me. Me and our family lawyer have reviewed it and I am yet to sign the petition. Let me know if there is something you need like an affidavit or sworn statement for your convenience and future reference. I'm just an email away.

Attached file below is my lawyer's contact details and his law office mailing address.

Thanks,
Brent

— • —

So he finally agrees with the annulment.

I should be feeling glad knowing that everything has now put into an end. Pero bakit ganito 'yung pakiramdam ko? Na parang may malaking butas sa dibdib ko na mahirap mapunan. Ang weird. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko samantalang dati gusto kong matapos na ang lahat sa amin at bumalik na kami sa sari-sarili naming buhay pero ngayong nakikita ko na sa kanya 'yung initiative na pumapayag na siya sa annulment, sa akin, parang may mali sa mga nararamdaman ko.

I am sad.

And this is no good.

Nag-slouch ako sa swivel chair at minasahe ang temples ko. I closed my eyes for a while to relax and avoid the tension rushing inside my body. I remembered calling Taehyung a week ago asking him to go back here in the Philippines. Hindi ko na kasi alam ang gagawin ko—magulo ang isip ko at napaka-vulnerable kaya tinawagan ko siya. I know that requesting him doing that is too much to handle. Minsan naiisip ko na ang unfair ko rin sa kanya kasi nasanay na ako na lagi siyang nasasandalan kapag may problema.

I want him to be my end fall, the man I want to spend my life with. He accepted me for who I am and I'm lucky enough to be loved by a person like him. Ayokong sayangin ang anim na taong pinakita niya sa akin na worthy enough siya para sa akin so if God won't forbid, I want him to be the one.

Araw-araw akong nagdadasal na sana maging maayos ang personal kong buhay pero para yatang lalong gumugulo ang mga nangyayari. I can't assess my feelings well. I feel bad for Brent but at the same time, I don't want V to be taken for granted.

Weighing the feelings I had for the both of them breaks my heart. Hindi ko dapat ginagawa 'yun dahil dapat maging sigurado ako sa desisyong gusto kong gawin para sa sarili ko. I didn't actually thought that I will end up confused with what my heart feels. I know that at this point, it's impossible that either one of the will end up being hurt—be it Brent or Taehyung, I can't seem to know.