We Broke Up

{ ENTRY 40 • Babyboy }

Brent

"Bakit ganun, Brent? Bakit hindi ko maramdamang mahal kita?"

Those words were playing continuously on my mind. I thought my world's crashing down on me before I knew it would. The accident supposedly lost her memories of me, not her feelings. But why do I feel like chances and destiny doesn't want to deal with me?

Knowing that I lost a child and barely losing a wife almost destroyed me. Hindi ko na yata alam kung paano mabuhay sa araw-araw kung yung dalawang bagay na 'yun ang nagpapaalala sa akin tuwing gumigising ako sa umaga.

I'm getting crazy.

I'm still visiting Lily at the hospital but everytime I'm here, it's less likely that she don't want me around. She's slowly avoiding me and most especially, she just want to rest and sleep whenever I want to brought up something about our relationship. Ayaw niyang pag-usapan naming dalawa kung ano yung meron kami dati.

"Nasaan si Taehyung?" this is the nth time she's looking for that jerk.

"He had a meeting with Ms Berenguer's family. He has no time going here." I answered her directly.

Lily pouted her lips and looked away at me. "Paano mo nalaman? At saka ba't nandito ka pa? 9pm na. Hindi ka ba hinahanap sa inyo?"

"I'm here to take care of you. Papa and Aunt Emilia are in your house to get some sleep. I volunteered to watch over you here." then I sat at the couch across the hospital bed. "And no one's missing me there, our house is empty. All that needs is us."

"P-pwede ba, wag natin masyadong pag-usapan yung tungkol sa atin. Nagki-cringe kasi ako." She scratched her head.

"Bakit? Natatakot ka bang malaman kung anong buhay nating dalawa noon?"

Lily nodded quickly. "Oo, iniisip ko kung bakit sa lahat ng pwede kong makalimutan, bakit ikaw pa na mismong asawa ko. Nagkasakitan ba tayong dalawa bago ako naaksidente?"

"We had a hard talk."

"Tulad ng?" she looked at me deeply.

"About the baby we lost six years ago that I didn't know." I said simply, testing the waters on how will she react on it.

Her hand was on her mouth and she was terribly shocked. "I had a miscarriage?"

I nodded, "It was my fault that you ran away and then this unfortunate thing happened."

She started crying silently while I was looking at her. I want to hold and hug her but there's this force telling me not to.

"Ganun na ba kasira ang marriage life natin? Naging masaya ba tayo, Brent? Kasi kung oo, imposibleng makalimutan kita at kung anuman ang nararamdaman ko sa'yo." she wiped her tears and faced me bravely.

I can't believe I could be hurt like this.

"I am doing the best that I can to make you happy."

"Then why can't I feel that I love you?! This is insane! Maybe our relationship wasn't that healthy. Please don't lie to me, kung ginagawa mo 'to para pahirapan lang ako, wag ka nang magpapakita sa akin! Ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko sa twing inaalala kung sino ka sa buhay ko. After this accident, I felt that you're just a stranger to me. That if I could continue talking to you, I might end up being hurt."