Always Deny, Never Admit

The 'L' Word We Alway Seem To Say

* ( Extra Long Chapter Special )

Maya would admit, it was cold.

Freezing even, she couldn't stand just walking out in the frigid weather.

So she realized how stupid of an idea it was when she told her Mom that she could walk home from school. It wasn't that far distance wise, but with her fingers practically frozen, the trip had never felt longer.

Maya shrunk her face down into her coat and tried to walk as quickly as she could to get home. She had stayed after school for an art club she had joined recently. To her surprise it had gotten dark by the time she was supposed to head out.

"It could just be me, but I feel like you've been avoiding me lately."

Maya stopped in her tracks.

"Josh." She mumbled, shivering from the lack of movement. Maya awkwardly turned around to see her best friend's Uncle standing on the sidewalk behind her.

"Hey." He said back, looking suddenly scared.

"I haven't been avoiding you, I just was trying to not see you. . ." Maya realized how idiotic she sounded right now, her logic made no sense and she probably should've kept her mouth shut from the start.

"Is it because of what I said? I never meant to make you uncomfortable."

Maya took a deep breath and shuffled her feet along the ground.

"No it was more like because I was babbling about stupid stuff." Maya explained, not wanting him to feel bad.

She failed though, as Josh's face immediately sunk. It broke Maya's heart to see him so down.

"So saying that you loved me was just something, stupid?" Josh asked her, barely meeting her gaze. Maya opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

Maya knew inside that it wasn't, but she didn't want to embarrass himself. At the same time it looked like he wanted her to mean it, so she didn't know what the right thing to say was.

"I guess honesty is sometimes the best policy." Maya said, stepping closer to Josh.

"What do you mean?"

"I like you Josh, it's probably obvious by now, but I do like you very much." Maya told him.

Josh seemed to smile a little, but still looked bothered.

"I like you too, and I'd never want you not to be in my life." He replied, his face barely lit by the street lamps along the sidewalk path.

"The other day, what I said. . . I meant it." Maya admitted, as she bit down on her lip.

Josh blinked in surprise. Then turned to look up at her finally.

"Say that again." He told her.

Maya blushed and let a small laugh slip out of her lips that were almost blue from the cold.

"What you didn't hear me?" She asked, punching his shoulder in a playful manner.

"No I did, I just wanted to hear your voice say it to me one more time." Josh said, genuinely smiling this time.

"I love you." Maya whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. She could feel his arms circle her back and waist, pulling her in tighter. Maya pulled away first and awkwardly cleared her throat.

"You know I love you too." Josh said, growing a light shade of pink. Maya grinned so wide her cheeks started to hurt. Hearing those words come out of his mouth had always been a fantasy of hers.

"Do you really?" She teased, extremely over the moon at the moment.

"Of course." Josh quickly whispered, his breath visible in the dark.

"I guess it's mutual then." Maya said, the corners of her lips tugging into a smirk.

"I really wish you weren't seventeen right now." Josh told her, groaning in frustration. Maya laughed at him and his funny way of venting.

"Well at least I'm not sixteen like last year." She joked, trying to lighten the mood. Although she felt sad that they weren't the same age too. Her urges were telling her to kiss him in the dark where no one would really see her, but her mind was saying it was dumb and wrong.

"I wish you weren't nineteen and almost twenty." Maya said, mocking him.

"You have no idea how badly I want to be seventeen." Josh said, before gently kissing her forehead.

"The day I turn eighteen, I expect a real kiss Matthews." Maya said, tugging at his collar. Josh flashed a boyish grin before saying, "That's a promise I can keep."