After-An Allegiant fanfic

Part 1-Then

A/N: hey guys! So this is my after allegiant fanfic. It is told in then and now parts. Then parts take place before the epilogue and now parts take place after the epilogue.

Obviously the whole divergent world and characters belong to Veronica Roth. I only own the words that Tobias says and thinks.

Then:

I go back to the bureau. Everything I see reminds me of her. I can't help but feel like she is everywhere and no where. Shining through the windows as sunlight, yet my world is completely dark. The sculpture that once had water flowing only reminds me of her fear. Of the glass that she was able to break. Of all that she was and all she will never be.

Christina is beside me the whole time. As if she knows that I can't look anywhere without seeing her blonde hair and bright smile. I wonder if she sees it too.

As we head back to the dormitory I know I can't stay here. Too many memories. Both bad and good. There are memories in the city too, but at least I know I can mend those ones. Make them into something I will like to remember. The ones here are too fresh and too plagued with my mistakes.

When we walk into the dormitory, everyone immediately falls silent. But the silence is more than just grief, it's fear. I soon figure out why. Caleb is here.

Everyone is staring at me; waiting. Waiting for me to do what, I don't know. Maybe yell at him, maybe attack him. But I'm not going to do either of those things. I know he didn't make her do what she did. She did it because she loved him. She had the best of every faction in her. She always knew how to love and see people for who they really were. She forgave him as her parents would have. And if she could forgive him, for all he had done to her, I could too.

But I'm not sure I can yet. Whenever I look at him, all I see are the similarities. I never saw it until now. I guess you never really do see anything until it has slipped beneath your grasp and you no longer have the chance to look at it. I get this pang of guilt in my gut for not looking hard enough; long enough. For taking advantage of what I had. If I could just have one last anything with her, I would take it. One last moment to tell her the three words I should have said every chance I had.

I love you.