After-An Allegiant fanfic

Part 26-Now

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. 

Now: 

I pull over to the side of the road, and grip the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turn white. I can't believe I forgot her birthday. A silent tear falls down my face. It just makes her seem more gone. Like she is a thing of the past completely, life moves on, and somehow along the way I lost her. At least I lost the will to remember all the little things, like the way she laughed or the exact shade of blue that coloured her eyes. And the fact that those things are lost to me only makes it hurt more. A gulping sob escapes me and I try to take deep breaths, trying to convince myself that I haven't lost all of Tris. That just because I forgot this one day doesn't mean I love her any less. But that is the only thought that fills my mind. 

I remember two years ago on her 17th birthday (A/N: to read about that read my one-shot called She's Gone) I was a mess. It hit me all over again that she wasn't coming back, wasn't going to ever actually turn 17. I thought that that was the worst thing I could be feeling. But this is worse. Before at least my heartache meant that she was still held my love, but this, this just makes me feel like she's slipping away and I'm watching her go. Like I was the one who told her to leave. I know that I should move on, at least partially, but I can't bring myself to even think about that. She is too prominent in my mind. Too much a part of my everyday life. 

I shake my head once, attempting to get rid of these thoughts. She knows I love her, and that is all that matters. She must know. If she knows it, then somewhere deep inside me I must know it too. 

"Happy birthday, Tris," I whisper into the night air. "I love you," My voice waivers slightly as I think of her sitting across from me, smiling slightly, whispering those three words back. We could've had a life if all of this hadn't happened. But it did, and there is nothing we can do about it now. And look what we've gotten out of it, a new city. If it wasn't for Tris we wouldn't be here right now. In this city that I have to fight for. That snaps me out of it.

With one deep breath I start to drive again, planning what I am going to say to my mother. I know it is what Tris would want me to do. She wouldn't want me to give up, she would want me to fight. 

I am almost back to my apartment when I see the exact person I am going to talk to on the street. Evelyn.

A/N: Sorry this chapter is kinda crapy, it's a little choppy I think. Also I am very sorry for not updating for so long! Also I would like to thank all of you for 2.1K reads!!!!! I can't believe it! That's insane!!!