After-An Allegiant fanfic

Part 3-Then

A/N: I do not own anything. It all belongs to Veronoca Roth.

Then:

I'll never be able to say those words to her again. The thought puts a sour taste in my mouth. Where's our happy ending? 

With that sour thought in my mind, I head to my bunk. I never once look at Caleb, even though I can feel his eyes following me just like everyone else's. 

Christina follows me to my bunk and watches as I start to collect my few items. I can tell she wants to say something to me, I hope she'll take my silence as a queue that she can talk. She does. 

"I'm coming with you," she states, no question in her voice. 

"I know," I tell her. I never once thought that she'd let me go myself. Or that she would want to stay here. I'm sure her memories of Tris-even thinking her name is hard-are just as fresh as mine. 

"He's not all bad, okay?" She tells me, but at the same time making it a question. 

"I know. He's just so much like her. And I can't help but think selfish thoughts. Think about how is rather have another Prior here instead of him." 

I don't know why I tell Christina this, we've never been very close, and I usually don't tell anybody much of anything. I kinda just hope that she feels this way too. Maybe then I won't feel as selfish for these thoughts. 

"I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. And sometimes I look over at him, standing there, and even though I can tell he is grieving as well I wasn't to scream at him. I want to command him to bring her back. To tell him that she was four times the person he will ever be. To yell until I lose my voice because he should be able to bring her back. But I know that would be useless. No one can bring her back. For better or for worse, she is gone." 

Suddenly Christina is crying. I pull her into my chest, not knowing what else to do. How can I comfort her when I know that everything she said is true? I know that I would do just that and probably worse if I thought Tris could be brought back. 

So I don't say anything. I just sit there and hold her as the tears stream down her face. Then she says the one thing that I was never expecting to hear:

"I was a terrible friend, wasn't I?"

I'm too shocked to answer. Tris cared more about Christina than she did about anyone else in this room. Christina was always there, no matter what. They hadn't known each other for very long but in the time that I could observe their friendship, I could tell that Tris couldn't have had a better best friend than Christina. 

I say the only thing that comes to mind to answer this question: "You were an amazing friend to her. You were there for her when I wasn't and for that I am forever grateful. You forgave her for everything that happened. If you think for one second that you were a bad friend, you are dishonouring your Candor upbringing. Because that would be a lie."

I see the ghost of a smile play on her lips but I can tell she doesn't fully believe me. The only person that she would truly believe is Tris. And she is gone. 

No one can bring her back. 

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