After-An Allegiant fanfic

Part 23-Then

Disclaimer: Divergent does not belong to me.

Then:

I turn around and Zeke's mother stands there. She stares down at us with a look of disdain, but I can see the redness in her cheeks and her puffy eyes. It's only been about a week since Uriah, and you can tell she still feels the pain. 

"Mom?" Zeke asks. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to stay at the Bureau for a while."

Zeke immediately runs towards Hana, a look of fear on his face. You can see the obvious question in his eyes. What happened?

"I was going to," Hana starts, her voice thick. She's been crying recently. I bet she can still see Uriah walking these halls. Climbing up the paths in the pit, laughing and smiling. Without him and Tris, the picture just does't seem complete. "But then Amar and George told me that they were going to come to the city earlier than planned, and I decided to tag along. I heard about what is going to happen to this place I wanted to see it again before it's all gone."

I can see the relief flood Zeke's face as he embraces his mother. As he pulls away, Hana gives me a curt nod over his shoulder. I didn't expect her to forgive me, but it still hurt. But I can't imagine her forgiving me anytime soon. I killed her son. And no matter the fact that I wasn't directly responsible for it, I still had a part. I was still there. There was still the fact that I had sided with them, despite what Tris, and my better judgment was telling me. And even if Hana and Zeke do, I don't think I will ever forgive myself for that. Mistakes are a part of us, I know that, I just wish mine weren't so big. I hate what I did, and I hate myself for what I did. I keep trying to tell myself that I am better than that, and that I can be better than that, but I don't believe me. If I was better than that, I couldn't have hurt this family the way I did. I always thought that I was more than just Ruthless Four, that maybe Dauntless didn't know it, but I was more than that. But maybe I'm not. 

I told Tris once that I was still working on kind. I guess I'm not there yet. Maybe I never will be. But I can't accept that. I'll just have to work as I hard as I can to change it, maybe I never will, but at least I would have tried. 

"And," Hana starts, pausing to look at Zeke. "I thought that we should spread his ashes. There is no place he would rather rest."

A/N: Hi! Sorry for not updating last week, I was really busy. 

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