Requiem For A Dream // Phan

3; This is what my life has came to?

**TW**

Quote Of the Day: Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.

Question Of The Day: What's your favorite thing to do other than read?

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I woke up with a pounding headache, a usual thing I've become accustomed to, and sighed. I felt the curls on my head sway a bit when I looked at the clock. 12 pm. All I wanted to do was lay in bed all day. And the feeling only heightened when a familiar force pushed down on my chest. I sighed once again and willed myself to sit up.

I glanced at the grey, boring walls, feeling a bit claustrophobic in this room but . . . it was home. My home... Only mine.

I got up from the bed after deciding that I didn't want to sulk in my own misery, and headed to my computer. I hadn't been on this for a while, so when I turned it on and saw an old photo of me and Phil, I didn't expect a sob to choke up. I didn't even notice how tight my throat had felt.

My world caved in once again, I hated this, so much. It was getting so tiring feeling like this. Why can't it just stop already? I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of just crawling back to my little hiding space that's called a bedroom. I'm just . . . tired of everything. It was a potential good thing that Brendon called yesterday or I would be moping around like I usually did.

-- no -- that stung -- the wrong word. I've just been . . . Lifeless? Yeah . . . I'm in denial and I fucking know it.

I finally managed to pull myself together again and looked back up, turning the chair around, avoiding the screen and without looking, turning the power off.

I angrily wiped away the tears, I don't know who I'm trying to pretend to, it's not like there's anyone who even cares right now. I mean, there was, I think...

I stood up and put on appropriate attire for a "hang out". I was guessing at least, my usual clothing was just black so I decided to put on a black sweater and black skinny jeans, which were surprisingly very baggy. Last time I wore them, they were two sizes too small and I had to stand up to zip them, now I pulled them on like they were nothing. Speaking of which, I didn't recall the last time I ate anything. The thought of food made my stomach growl and wither.

I hopped down the stairs weakly and practically ran into the kitchen. There was lots of shit to choose from but I went with an apple. Wasn't much, but it worked for me. By the time I did all of this, it was only 12:45 so I still had a couple hours before I had to leave, and I decided straightening my hair would be decent but I desperately wanted to go back to sleep, so of course, I went with that.

I stepped upstairs with a huff, genuinely disappointed in the laziness of my movements. I set my phone up to the charger and set my alarm as well and climbed into bed. Angry that as soon as I hit the pillow, I was out.

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I woke with a start, a jolt even, surprisingly not with a pounding in my ears. I looked to the clock and gasped, it's 4:15, and I looked at my fully charged phone, 5 missed calls, nice.

I dialed his number quickly, the guilt not even bothering me anymore. I'm so fucking done.

"Hey, Brendon. Sorry, decided to take a nap and it ended being like four hours." There wasn't any emotion in my voice so I doubted that he believed my apology.

"Nah don't sweat it, it's alright Dani boy. Just, everyone's waiting on your ass. Get here fast, a lot of the other guys are late too so," He finished. I ended it with a simple okay and bye.