Requiem For A Dream // Phan

8; For once, do something for me.

**TW**

Quote of the Day: Don't let someone who gave up on their dreams, talk you out of yours.

Question of the Day: What's your favorite thing to do when you're outside at night? Stargaze? Bonfires?

___________________

Was this heaven or something? That was my first thought, All I could see was white, I mean, I think I deserved hell but I'm grateful for whatever I got. I'm totally okay with this. But when I felt liquid run through my veins, I looked to my side, my ears muffled but I could hear the familiar beeping of a heart monitor, I saw a needle in my arm, held by tape. I ripped it out, startled. The only needle that will ever be in my arm is my junk, I don't want anything other than that in my arms. But that's taken a toll on me.

I groaned and held my head, my stomach and left arm burned. I looked down at my arm, seeing it wrapped up in some type of gauze. I ripped the cannula out of my nose and breathed in that familiar toxic air. My nose was dry from the constant flow of air but I ignored it. I took off the thing on my thumb and the monitor went off. I didn't care, I attempted to lift myself, only failing when someone held me back.

"Dan, calm down. You know where you are?" I recognized it to be Phil's voice, I smacked his hand away from my chest and he sighed. I grunted when my head hit the pillow again.

"No, where the hell am I? What did I do?" I groaned and rolled over, my head into the pillow, feeling my head pound. I really needed dope.

"You're at the hospital. . ."

"Why the fuck, am I in the hospital? Do you know how much this shit is gonna cost?" I broke out into a sweat again, my breathing quickened.

"You don't have to worry about that right now," Phil assured me.

"Of course I have to worry about that -Fuck- I need to get out of here." I said. I put my head in my hands and kept my groan in mouth, but it came out like Mhm, strung out.

"Dan, no. You can't, not right now." I had to do something, I had to get him to let me out of here. I considered manipulation, that seemed like the best option. I knew Phil, and what his weaknesses were. He was too nice, too easy to manipulate. I almost felt bad, but I needed this.

"Phil, please. Help me. I can't breathe, I need this. Please. I'm sorry. After this, I swear I will get better, I promise just please. . ." His eyes stared into mine, glazed over. I got 'em.

"Where do I get it?" He asked me, I frantically sat up and told him where and when,

"You gotta get me out of here first." My eyes widened in anticipation.

"But, How?" I thought for a second, letting it sink that he was gonna do this for me,

"Go home, get some clothes and bring them back to me. I'll change and I'll act like a visitor or something. Just, yeah, do that." I felt a tug at my heart when I referred it to our home, it was but, it felt nice to acknowledge it.

"Yeah, yeah, okay." He got up putting his coat on and looking at me once more. I tried to give my best pleading look and whispered to him.

"Please Phil . . . Just this once? For me . . . ?" I asked stuttering from my breathing, my voice cracked and he noticed it, his eyes glistening. Which actually made my throat tight, please don't cry, please don't cry. I repeated to myself, 'cause if he cries, I'm done for.

"Okay, I will be back, in fifteen minutes. Don't move or talk to anyone you don't know, okay? Stay put." I nodded and as soon as he left, I was silent. I could hear the pounding of my heart, and the monitor still beeping, but my thoughts were silent.

I sat there for maybe five minutes completely silent, then I just . . . I just broke. I felt my eyes sting and I pulled my knees to my face and sobbed. I couldn't hear myself though, was I silent crying? I could feel coughs coming up from my throat and my nose sniffling. I finally heard it, the whine in my voice, the tense breathing, my heart pounding, I could feel, hear, and see everything. I felt my stomach heave and I grabbed the can next to me, throwing up chunks, still ugly crying.

Phil's View

I walked out of the room before letting a few breaths out, I knew he had taken my innocence to his advantage, I knew exactly what he was doing, but the fact that he was so desperate for it, made my chest tighten, I couldn't help but cry as I was driving to the apartment. He's so young, already ruined, and yet, I'm helping him destroy himself and that made me cry more, but, If I made him happy, then It was completely worth it.

I don't know why I left. It was a stupid reason, I let someone else's thoughts about Dan get the best of me, I let someone overrule my decisions, I am always in control, I knew that, but I couldn't believe how fucking stupid I was. I shook my head and sighed, I'm going to fix him. Whether he wants it, or not. I'm going to help him recover from this, even though, I had caused it.

I got out my keys and unlocked the apartment, the smell of lavender and rust caught my attention, but I ignored it, I was only here for a few thing and then back to Dan.

I went into his room quickly, shuffling around in his drawers, trying to find some decent clothing that didn't smell like pot. I got my hands on a big black Green day sweatshirt and tight black jeans. I brought his converse as well. And I headed out, I knew what this was, how it worked. I was an alcoholic for two years and then I spontaneously just stopped, so I knew what it was like to want something so bad that you would put your life on the line for it.

By the time I got back to the hospital, I only had maybe thirty minutes left of visiting so I went into the room to see a sight that I didn't really want to see. I saw Dan sitting in a ball shaking violently, next to him a bucket filled with vomit and him crying into the pillow, once he saw me he tried to stop crying and attempted to say something but stopped once a sob choked through.

"Oh my god, Dan." I knelt beside him, pushing his hair from his face, which felt unnaturally natural if you get what I'm saying.

"Phil, h-help me, I c-can't-" He stopped and whined and sweat poured onto his face, he looked like he was struggling to breathe.

"Its okay, its okay, we'll get more but you're gonna have to get up. Come on," I lifted his hand and he cried harder once he was moving, he tried to regulate his breathing with deep breaths but nothing seemed to work,

"Come on, bear. We need to go soon or we'll get caught." For some odd reason, he put his face against my chest and struggled to stand, but even when he was putting on his pants, he still kept his face either on my shoulder or in my neck, He seemed to react fondly of the name. I lifted the gown off and he whined when he had to get away from me. I put the sweater over his head slowly and let him lean on me again, and he cautiously stepped inside the baggy skinny jeans. I decided something internally and he didn't even flinch away.

I picked him up bridal style and carried him out of the room, I tried not to look suspicious but, It was me, we were talking about. I can't lie for the life of me, but for Dan, anything.