Requiem For A Dream // Phan

22; The kid is a wreck, what makes you think you can fix him?

    **TW**

Quote of the day: Fight for the right people.

    Question of the day: What is one thing you do when your angry, that pisses some people off?

________________

    I don't think I was ready for the visit. It was simply just a visit to get a hug from a stranger. It wasn't as serious, as actually staying up until one in the morning to over think things. My thoughts had basically consumed my night. What if he doesn't remember me? It has been only two days since I got out of rehab, the hell. That wouldn't happen, to be completely honest, I don't think he would've let that happen.

   Phil had been questioning my nervousness, hell, he might even be a little jealous. But my intentions were not to fall in love with the kid, but almost, emotional support? Maybe? Even though he didn't know me enough to interact with me like that, though he didn't know me when I was talking to him, he still told me things that I didn't think anyone really knew about. 

   At first, I thought of weird ass things, such as, he could've been ease-dropping on me and Gee's conversations, but knowing him, he wouldn't do that. I guess if he had a chance he listened to us, he would. He was a lonely guy, I wouldn't blame him.

"Dan?" Phil grumbled and moved his head up to meet my own, his eyes were half closed and his breathing was still extremely deep and I was pretty sure he wasn't fully awake yet.

"Its okay, you can go back to sleep, Phil," I said, lifting my knees to my chest and hugging them to me. He looked confused and rubbed his eyes a bit.

"What are you doing? Its like, 2 in the morning." He glanced at the clock and then me again,

"I am aware of that," I smiled

"What's got you thinking? By the looks of it, you seem like you're over-thinking." I was not used to this, I was so used to just moving along with my problems. He hadn't been here for so long that this seems so unnatural. I cringed internally and looked at him with wide eyes.

"No, I'm alright. I'm just nervous is all." He was confused again, lifting himself up.

"About?" 

"Everything. Tomorrow. My future." I was tense, I could feel it. This feeling of having this type of talk with him made me feel, I don't know, it was weird. I felt like I couldn't talk to him anymore. Or isn't really the same anymore. Back in 2009, I could whine to him all day about how I was feeling. 

"Why are you worrying about this? That's ages away . . . " I didn't know how to feel right

"I don't know, I do this a lot. I overthink, Its something I have always done." I swear to god a light bulb switched on, and I suddenly realized why everyone had something bad to say about me. 

"That's why you broke up with me, isn't it?" My eyes pricked then, I could feel my insides being ripped apart. 

"Okay now, this over thinking thing has gotten way out of hand. I don't know if you remember but we did the exact same thing. I vented to you 24/7, every day, all the time. And I have never once, thought you were annoying, or anything bad that you think. I had always felt special that you decided to talk to me, about these things. You would always over think things, and I'd listen. And I'd let you literally break down, but I had never thought bad about you. Until, Chris, had something about you that just- I'm not gonna say, but I forgot about that now. And will move on, because that's what we need to do right now, we need to move on or this is just gonna make everything worse, dwelling." My mouth was shut, I let him speak. But the whole time, warmth had spread through me.

   I guess he did really care about me.

"How can we move on, if we're still keeping that secret about me. What the hell did he even say?" I asked, he threw his head into the pillow and groaned.

"Please, why can't we leave it alone?"

"We can't just leave this alone? Why do you wanna not tell me-"

"He told me that you were gonna cheat, okay?" My breathing stopped, and my brows furrowed.

"What?!" I yelled, he stood up then, silently telling me to be quiet.

"He told me that, every single one of your past relationships. You cheated on your partner. And Chris was your friend for like, life. So me being me, believing everything anyone says, I believed him. I didn't even question you first . . . " I was fucking bewildered, So Phil broke it off because he was afraid of getting hurt? I softened then, I couldn't be mad at him for that, I can't stay mad at him in general.

"You broke up with me, because . . . you thought I would cheat on you?" I asked him, he sat back down, staring at one of the posters on his wall. He nodded, not looking at me.

"You were afraid . . . of me hurting you?" My voice was small and soft. I felt as if, I raised my voice even in the slightest, he would break. I wouldn't let that happen. Not if I was the reason why,

"Yeah," He squeaked. I knew this wasn't his fault, I had to chill for a few seconds.

"I'm . . . so sorry." He looked at me with wide eyes, 

"So it's true? You do cheat?" Now that was all him, I scoffed and shoved myself off the bed in anger.

"Who the hell do you take me for?!" I asked, and he shook his head. Running his hands through his hair, pulling it. 

"Stop it, Answer the question."

"Answer mine!" He yelled I jumped back then. I have never been yelled at by him, ever in my whole life.

"Don't yell at me," I said. I could feel myself shrinking back.

"Goddammit, Dan! Why is this so fucking difficult to understand?! Jesus Christ, do you cheat?!"

"No! I would never, and the fact that you think I would cheat on you, even after all the fucking shit I went through just from you leaving, says a lot about the both of us!"

"Hey! You did that shit on your own! I didn't tell you to do fucking drugs! Knowing you, I would think you were better than that! You were just gonna let yourself throw your life away because of me?!" 

"Yes! Because I love you! I would fucking do anything for you! Hell, even if you asked me to do the stupidest, most dangerous shit yet, I would do it, just to make you fucking happy!" I choked a sob then, and his face softened, and then the realization of what he said hit him. 

"Shit, Dan, Wait." But I was already gone, I passed Gee and Frank, knowing full well they were listening to everything. 

   I got my coat and keys. I shoved my feet into some random shoes and opened the door, 

"Dan! The hell are you going?" Gee asked,

"To see Brendon," I said, before stepping out and running.