Requiem For A Dream // Phan

4; Leave me Be

**TW**

Quote Of the Day: The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you, You just got to find someone worth suffering for.

Question of the day: What's your favorite classical song? If you don't listen to that, what's your favorite song that has a deep meaning to you?

*7 months later*

"Dan, you gotta get out of here. You gotta get over him, seriously. . . This has been going for far too long." I heard Brendon's voice but the needle in my hand was the only thing that mattered. I stuck it in my arm without hesitation as my eyes rolled back, the ceiling fading.I reached over and breathed in my last joint and blew it out tiredly. This was what made the pain go away, this is what it was like to be free. And, I loved it. It was the only sense of love that I could find, So I embraced it with no remorse.

"I'm fine," I stung the words out, feeling the liquid run through my veins as his voice faded in and out.

"You got any more acid?" I asked and he sighed and nodded, he provided me with those things, as long as I paid him. I drank till my throat was raw and wouldn't stop until I passed out. I had a love/hate relationship with hangovers as well. Hangovers make me feel something, make me feel the pain and regrets I needed to keep in touch with reality. If I wasn't drunk, or high, I'd be slicing my skin open in Brendon's bathroom. He found me once and got mad, he yelled at me not to do this and that I was an idiot. Of course, I knew that, so his words were meaningless.

Some of what he said was true, but I knew what I wanted, and when I wanted it. He couldn't stop me even if he tried. I couldn't go back to my apartment, at least not sober. I had to buy more to bring with me.

"Its now 20 bucks less," Brendon sighed.

"Why?" I stood up, stumbling, but he caught my fall.

"Cause I have more money from you than anyone I've ever dealt with, so enjoy this."

"Okay, I'll get out of your hair in a bit, just I really need you to do me a favor."

"You're not bothering me, Dan. You're just miserable here, go back to your place. Be sober for more than an hour. You can do that, right?"

"Yeah! Sure! Just, can you do something for me in return?"

"What is it?" I fished out more money for him.

"Get me all the drugs and booze you can get with this. Please?" We walked downstairs and he opened the door for me, hesitating.

"This is 500 dollars, Dan, are you sure about this?" Anger clouded my vision, I could feel it pumping through me.

"Don't question me, just do it." I mumbled and got into his car. Brendon had worry in his eyes, I could feel pity radiating from him. I was very empathetic but, who cares about that right now. All I wanted to do, is go home and watch reruns of the US version of shameless, that's it. Is it so hard to ask for?

I felt myself slowly fall asleep in his car, even though the bumpy roads usually messed up my sleep but the heroin in my system forced me to have heavy lids. I'm pretty sure I was mumbling, because I felt my lips move, but right now, I couldn't care less. Too exhausted to give a shit.

Brendon's View

I wanted to be stern with him, I wanted to tell him that this was bad for him and that he's heading down the wrong path but I couldn't. I couldn't because I was the reason he was exposed to this stuff. I got him into this, but I don't know If I can get him out. I was contemplating calling someone, one of his friends. . . I wanted to call Phil but, I knew Dan wouldn't be able to see him. Dan wouldn't talk about him, nor tell me the reason they broke up. They seemed fine when they were at my birthday bash, which was like a year ago, now.

"I'mmmm, so sorryy." I heard Dan mumble beside me, I sighed, I wanted this to end. I regret doing these deeds for him, but this is my last run for him. I'm lucky I haven't gotten caught in the last year because of screaming complaints. Dan usually freaks when he's on acid. He would say some stupid shit, sometimes let out his problems to me. I let him, couldn't stop 'em anyway.

"It's okay. . ." I whispered, even though he most likely didn't hear me. I parked the car on the side of my dealer's house and went inside, leaving Dan alone, knowing that was a bad idea but, I have to get this stuff before it runs out, and I have to pay extra.

"Hey, Brendon! Back for more, I see!" He stood up and hugged me, we were friends with benefits. But the nice thing is, that Ryan knew and didn't care, sometimes he'd even join in.

"Hey, Dally! Sure am," I tried to keep my tone as happy as possible.

"What would you like?"

"Well, what do you have for me?"

"I have. . . fresh china white, some expensive ass hospital needles, and brown sugar, got Mary Jane, Crystals, and that's what I got for a while. What you looking for?"

"I know what I want, I got five hundred, what can I get?"

"You can get about maybe, a pound of coke, 8-10 grams of crystal, a pound of weed, and only a couple ounces of heroin."

"I'm guessing, heroin is expensive." My brows scrunched, and I blew out through my mouth.

"Yup! But it's worth it, in the long run, big boy." He smirked and handed me the drugs.

"It's only 400, so you can keep the rest, I gotta keep some since other people want it, otherwise, I would've let you see everything." Okay, so I have enough to buy some booze for the fucker.

Dan's View

I woke up in my bed, dazed and confused, I looked beside me to find a big brown bag. I sat up slowly, groaning while doing so. I opened the bag and immediately smiled. Brendon had gotten more, but now, it didn't seem right here. Like this wasn't where I should be doing this at. This was me and Phil's home, should I just disrespect it like that? Fuck it.

I didn't want to do the drugs right now, so I settled with cheap Vodka. I drank it straight from the bottle, my lips burning from being chapped. My legs felt numb but I walked straight, at least, I think I did. I went into the kitchen to find myself something, but to my surprise, everything had been moved around. Like, someone had been there. Now that think about it, I didn't feel so alone in this place. I took another long gulp of vodka and went into the fridge to find new groceries put there, and drinks that were non-alcohol. That was very surprising to me.

When I heard footsteps come down the hall, I thought it was Brendon, but when this person saw me, They gasped, and dropped the glass they were holding. I laughed and coddled the bottle in my hands and swayed back and forth.

"Dan?" That's when I recognized that this person wasn't Brendon, I could barely see. But I knew the voice. 

I did.